- Lock my life with you ;

Friday, December 28, 2007

7 days that you had been apart from me.
seriously i admit i am still totally breaking now.
who know exactly how i am feeling? sigh.
will you know how i am feeling inside? it hurts. baby*

all negative thoughts flow upon me.
i have the urge of carving your initial on my wrist.
to tell myself that the pain,
represent how much i love you.
the wound, represent the scar that has been inflicted.
and the blood represent you has gone.

at times, i am trying to be strong. but i just couldnt.
i still break down in a short while.
am i fallen into the depression stage?
i really dont know. my tears would just fall anytime.
i give up on myself.
i lost my courage of being strong.
i lost my smile.
it seems i simply lost everything.
i am totally break down!
i need you so much by my side, do you know?

you become part of my life.
love is blind and my heart was blinded by you.
i have been addicted to you.
will i make your last again?

thanks to those who are worried for me.
who are always there to show your concern.
i appreciate it.
i am sorry to let you all down.
i just couldnt resist myself from being alright.
i tried but i still fail.
i am just totally break down!!

tears wash my face everynight.

Blogged @ 3:30 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

santa claus is coming to town..
here by i wish everyone who is reading my blog,
merry christmas.

merry christmas to all BUT sad christmas to myself.
because of the ending, all my mood is gone.
i lost someone so precious to me. sigh.

spent my christmas eve last night at hougang point coffee shop with our usual group except kenneth who is still on holiday. initially have the thoughts of heading orchard. though it was really crowded every year. but everything ended so plan changes. saddend.well. drink with huijuan, michelle and edric. could say i drank the most afterall. sigh. i gonna thanks this group of friends who are always there and really concern about me. i really appreciate it. sorry to let you guys worried yesterday.

i sacrify all for you cause you are someone special to me.
i admit baby* you are the first guy i do so much for.
willing to give everything to you.
waited for you for 5 hours alone just to see you.
all because you are just someone special.
is hard to find someone with lots of common to be together.
i hope you are touched in the status of friend.
and i promise that you will always be the special someone in my heart,
no matter how many years down the road.
love is complicating. sacrify for the one i love is worth for me to do do.

this is my first time i am totally so break down.
my love for you is simply just too deep.
the scar will always be behind.
i cant denied that my tears will never drop.
i will still be fine on the surface. life goes on.

step into the world with her feeling inside.
i lost my smile.

6 days you have leave me.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, December 24, 2007

my confession for you ;

as the day our hearts be locked as one, it make me lead a new life all over again. writing down my thoughts about you is the only thing i can do. baby ; i promise you my love for you will never end and you will always be a part of me as long as the time keep on passing by. i’m selfish and greedy all because i love you and i want to be the last girl for you and walk down the aisle together despite of obstacles. i’m willing to change for you though no one is perfect all because you’re someone special to me. the story will never stop as long as our love keep on growing. all alphabet and word means a lot a lot to you and me. thanks baby for giving me the confidence and courage to stand up again. i will never leave you alone cause i love you simply so much, muacks!

the above message is our confession.
the promise we made. will never be change.
would you let me be a part of you?
sigh.

baby* ivan; you are the one who gave me the courage and confidence to stand up,
you change me into another person.
i am willing to give up everything to you,
as to me you are worth it for me to do so.
all because you are just someone special and important.
thus i will never be fine without you.
i will never leave you alone but now i am being alone.

life goes on but i will be leading it with a weak and fragile heart.
my heart already given to you, i hope you will still keep it as someone special.

the bond between us,
story between us,
all the things we been through,
cant it continue? sigh.
those will always be deeply buried in my heart.
i cant stop my tears from flowing.
i wish you are just a distance away for me to lean on.
all i want is just you.

i totally lost my smile.
i simply hate myself
i have no answer to it. sigh.

you are my one and only precious.

GONE-

Blogged @ 1:08 PM
Don't let me go -

Sunday, December 23, 2007

when i am alone,
i cant see the way to go.
i am totally lost in mind and direction.
lost in the rain of my own tears.
i just think of you,
to wash away the tears and pain.

our story ended and life goes on,
but the pain will not heal,
it goes on same as life.
why cant our story move on just like life goes on?

we know each other well. we understand each other well.
we have a lot of stuff in common. it really so unbearable to me.
you are really a special someone in my eyes.
no one will replaced you in my heart.
you are just like the path of my life guiding me through.

christmas is approaching in few more days.
my wish for christmas is just only you.
but now it has gone.
now i want is having you by my side always thats all i hope for.

baby* wont you tell me why,
there is sadness in your eyes.
i dont wanna say goodbye to you, ivan*

every drop of my tears represent how precious you are to me.
you are always my baby in my shattered heart*

today is saturday. most of the saturday i will be able to have him by my side.
today i am all alone. sigh.

102 days of love is deeply memorable.
two days you have gone. sigh.

without you i am not myself anymore.
i miss you and o9o9o7*
i hate myself.

GONE- cry myself *

Blogged @ 12:40 PM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, December 22, 2007

our story had ended. 090907 - 201207 *SOB*
my heart feel deeply hurt.
sigh. i cant accept it totally.
everything really happen out too sudden.
baby, why cant you give yourself a chance to think through?
perhaps you are confused with your feeling right now?
you need time to sort out what exactly you want.
is there really no way at all to salvage the relationship?
i really dont wish it to end. why cant we go through any obstacle together?
everything there is a reason behind. why you make this decision? sigh.

you are the one who guide me through the darkness.
the one who always never fail to make my day with a smile.
those days we gone through, the memories now that left behind,
is really so dear to me. you are someone special and important to me.
the one whom i can trust on. comfortable talking to. and other thing.
my love for you will never change and never will i forget you.
as being said you are part of my life, i still love you so much.

you promise me those things i am glad.
i hope this will always be the promise between both of us.
i hate myself now. i dont wish to see you feel guilty.
do you still love me? are the feeling still remaining the same?
though you have the decision of being single.
sigh. baby. how i wish you could lend me your shoulder now again.
at least i know we are still as close and you do concern about me.

i hate myself.
i just want you to be here for me now.
my tears only drop for you cause i love you.

GONE-

Blogged @ 1:21 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

i'm getting deeper into you.
cause you got to me.
in a way that words cant describe.
always i'm getting deeper into you.
cause i have got to be,
you are essential to survive.
so baby i will love you with all my life.
we will go through thick and thin together ya? :D

i am looking forward to christmas season this year as this is the first time i am spending with my love ones. what do i want for christmas? all i want is you for christmas. :D
in addition, new perfume? more tops and bottoms? slim down some more !
to grow prettier? grins* building bonds with friends whom worth for me to be with. last but not least, our everlasting love with baby x)
SANTA CLAUS grant my wish come true. :D

as mentioned yesterday i am feeling so uneasy but today i am feeling better already. i have been rotting at home for this two days. think i am going able to go back to work only next week. i want earn money and also save it up for upcoming programmes. =)

had chatted over with one of my friends whom we used to know each other since sec school. every words she had said, it simply make me think that all words are against me. precisely my only choice is to blame myself to it. she added no one is saying i am at fault. well. how many people will be honest to say out the truth? i reckoned that isnt much. is the effort and thoughts you mentioned. ya i agree. but where is the actions? despite of rejections at times, i had my reasons. this is part of understanding either. i am just speechless to the issue. in short, seems everything said are all against me.

a true friendship is someone who knows there is something wrong even when you have the biggest smile on your face. in sustaining a friendship, there is a need to keep your bond strong by staying in touch even if it is just only a quick text or call to let her know you never forget about her being your friend. otherwise whether through lack of time and complacency, months and time passes and it will eventually feel too weird to talk. i truly agree to what i have been thinking. friendship is a two way thing. it takes two hand to clap.

baby you are part of my life. :D

Blogged @ 3:47 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

perhaps today is not my day.
i am feeling so uneasy here and there despite of what i do.
arghs!
what is wrong with me?
nobody knows. neither nor myself.
hopefully tml will be a fine day ahead.

my baby is busy challenging psp with his friends.
I MISS MY BABY SO MUCH~ !
aww~

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

to hold you in my arms;
to promise you my love;
to tell you from the heart;
you're all I'm thinking of.
and all my love, i'm holding on forever. x)

thanks baby for bring me to the place to celebrate my belated birthday.
which is... K-BOX. :D
i am not disappointed but indeed i am happy spending the times with you.
and i enjoyed spending my days over at your place.
though there is rare chance i am able to stay over night, i do cherish it.

last but not least, happy 3 months baby!
hope you like the key chains from me.
i am looking forward for everything.
aww. i simply love you super duper much.

o9.o9.o7 - you make me feel so love. :D

Blogged @ 3:55 PM
Don't let me go -

Friday, December 7, 2007

this post will be long and also a memorable and unforgettable post for my offically nineteen years old celebration programs. :D

once again. i have turn another year older. i am offically nineteen on the 5/12/2007. x)

just a simple quotes before i continue with the following post ;

my dearest marmie. you are the most important person i got to thanks this day. without you i wont be here. in these 19 years path of life, you went through a lot. be it happy or tough in life, you gave me the comfort, care and everything bringing me up each day. i am sorry to let you down at certain point of times when i am being mischevious or disobedient and due to bad results achieved in my primary and seconday school days. there will be times that i lied but eventually i still feel guitly. :P though you might scold me, all i know is you care and concern for me too. as no one is perfect, i will try my best to be a good girl. =) i do not need any present or things from you because each and every day ahead, you have done a lot for me.thanks for the mian xian and eggs you cooked for me. even it is just a little thoughts, it counts. i love you! :D

when the clock strike 12am, its my NINETEEN SWEET BIRTHDAY. :D
hereby i am here to give a big THANK to all my fellow friends who wishes me and to those whom we have lost contact or less contact and yet still remember my birthday. i really appreciate each and everyone of you. with loves! x)

all the days turned out to be beautiful and ofcause it was an enjoyable and touching ones. all the credits goes to all my fellow friends who put in a lot of effort to it and make a memorable one for me. i simply love you guys!

on monday, i received my first birthday present from kelvin, bengwei and jason. they had given me one necklace which is the letter J. J for jiahui. :D despite of less communication lately, you guys still remember and gave me a present. thanks alot, i like the present.

on tuesday, i celebrated with my classmates at ajisen. we had our lunch over there. and ofcause i felt embarrassed in the end. few of them disappeared for a moment.they went to buy one mango cake for me! they knew my favourite fruit is mango. haha. upon walking back, they started singing birthday song and along with the cake.oh dear. they sang so loudly until i am so shy. =x followed by photo taking session with each and everyone of them. i love the photos being taken. :D hereby i got to thanks huijuan. michelle. chongling. huiting. jasmine and mei yi for the celebrations.

on wednesday which was my offical BIG day. firstly, HAPPY SWEET 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME. today was really a memorable and unforgettable day for me.as usual went to school for lesson and i am having my accounting CAs today. good luck to me though the paper seems tough to me. at the beginning of the day, i am not feeling well for a moment. my mood seems to be unstable but afterwhich it turns better. :D received present from chai lee, violet, shimin, xueli, kimleng and kangling. thanks you all for the big present. :D after school, headed down tampines mall to shop. we got to wait until 6pm for the guys to come.

upon arrival of everyone and the important person. lol. they celebrated for me at fish and co. it was nice having a celebration over there ya. the staff would say their rap and also sang birthday song together with the rest for the people in the restaurant and ofcause my dear friends. at the moment i am really touched and also embarrassed with the whole scene. this is my first time i am having such a big celebration. i love the cake you guys bought for me. heart shape strawberry ice cream cake ! i nearly dont bear to cut it off. =x afterwhich, headed to pierce my ear hole as i promised them i would pierce it on during my birthday. my virgin to ear hole. lol ! lastly we went back tothe amphitheatre to slack. really a big and warmth THANKS to you guys for putting up such a big effort of celebration and memorable day for me.and also i love all the present and cards from you guys and not forgetting especially the important and surprises. it is so touching and will leave me with deep memories. :Di did not shed tears doesnt mean i am not touched. i am just speechless with the touching moment. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

lastly, once again i got to give all my credits to :

( huijuan. michelle. kenneth. junwei. kelvin. da long long. wah wee. edric. lingfeng. )
( huiting. chongling. mei yi. jasmine. jeff. melvin. wei zong. yong sing. wei xiong. xiao di. )
( chai lee. xue li. violent. shi min. kang ling. kim leng. )
( kelvin. bengwei. jason. )
( ms choo. mr roy. mrs tan. ms tan. )
( adeline. xingyuan. sin li. kent. calvin. )
( baby : you might not be there on the actual day, but i know your angels will be there. i love you ! i am looking forward for the place you bringing me to. )

and to those who sent me messages in friendster comment, friendster message, handphone messages. sorry if i never wrote down your name. but it will be remembered by me.

i cherish each and every of my friends. the bond between us hopefully will always be there. warmth regards to my special and important one. LOVE!

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, December 6, 2007

ONCE AGAIN :

I AM OFFICALLY NINETEEN !

HAPPY SWEET NINETEEN BIRTHDAY TO ME.
MAY ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE AND BEST WISHES TO ME.

hereby, i got to thanks everyone who wish me !

warmth regards ;

XIAOHUI :D

Blogged @ 3:00 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, December 3, 2007

once again, it is the beginning of the new month which is also the last month of the year. time flies so fast. the year is going to end soon. this month is also an exciting month with lots of birthday celebration coming up.christmas is around the corner. school term holiday approaching in two week times. celebration of the end of year.seems so many programme approaching. i am desire for the firework. hopefully there are. :D

yesterday woke up early in the morning 8am. i do not have a good night sleep the night before due to the pain that was torturing me.had been vomitting again and again. sigh. the feeling simply just so terrible. marmie brought me to pray and afterwhich i headed downto baby's house. met up with huijuan at the late afternoon before heading down to tamp meeting the rest of the guys to celebrate kelvin's birthday and yong sing advance birthday celebration. hope you guys enjoyed with all the programme plan up for both of you.

my gastric tend to recover soon. the pain had gone but i am still very cautious with the food i ate. as usual, tasteless and simple.for the sake of recovering, i got to listen to marmie and be a good girl ya. hopefully i am able to recover soon so i could celebrate my birthday next week with my fellow friends and my love ones. surprise? i am pending to know it. (:

at the moment, i got to thanks all my friends for your concern and worrying for my health and also with allyour blessing i believe i will recover back soon. and of cause not forgetting marmie who was always there waking up in the middle of the night to check on me. thanks alot. :D

i love my baby.

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, December 1, 2007

today has been a dreadful day for me. my gastric had worsen. the pain is back again. sigh !told marmie and she brought me to a chinese medical doctor. i got to thanks marmie for bringing me to visit doctor and also worrying how come the pain had been there for so many days. it is nearly one week and i am not recover. the feeling simply just no comment. my body is so weak now ! sigh. marmie said if still unwell, need to do some scanning. hopefully i dont need one.

on wednesday, we celebrated kelvin's birthday with my classmates as well as other friends. there will be a final one coming up tomorrow. i doubt it would be a horrible scene with his friends sickening ideas and actions. things turn out to be a surprise but after asking for his feeling, he arent touched. lol. huijuan ; perhaps he is a numb guy ? well. happy advance birthday to kelvin and yunru. best wishes. though my wish is early one day before.

this month i got to spend money thriftly though i have a lot of things which i desire to buy. i have purchase few items throughonline blogs and i am pending for the shipping to arrive. (: i am craving for donuts but i am not able to consume it for the moment due to my gastric. thus the doctor reminds me to had something light. no sour. no chilli. no milk. no cold. oh dear!

one disappointed issue i received from my accounting lecturer was that the retake of the accounting paper is on next wednesday. upon hearing this, my mood started to change. as that day is my special day yet i got to take the paper. well. preparations only left with less than a week time. hopefully i am well prepared for the paper on wednesday.

i missing you. how i wish i could hug you now to ease the pain of my gastric. sigh.

our love is a journey but not a destination.

Blogged @ 3:40 PM
Don't let me go -