- Lock my life with you ;

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

it was pretty a short day today. having audit case study for two hours 12pm to 2pm and class ended. had a few of admin stuff to be done. mostly on graduation stuff. at the blink of an eyes, it left with less than two months, we will be graduating. headed back to causeway point with huijuan and michelle. went to shop for clothes. and there, i bought one dress and one accessories from MILA. the dress which i liked it finally its mine now. i will be wearing it for the first day of chinese new year though its black. i have no objections to it neither do my mother. she knows i love black. headed back home around seven plus.

i just hate coming back home as i had to see the farker in my house. he just make my mood changed. full stop. and once again, he had been repeating the same things over and over again for nearly ten times. seriously i have enough. dont push me to the limit that i will have to do thing which i dont wish to.

i am feeling extremely not right now. negative thoughts flow back to me. how i wish i could just sleep and never wake up the next day. its silly but that would be better for me. i reckoned. i am now lost in the ocean of questions why. would you be there for me? i miss you.

DEPRESSED.

Blogged @ 3:30 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

every moment spent is precious.

accounting paper had over and i am relief now. though the paper is a bit tough but overall its still manageable, i reckoned. woke up at 745am by a morning call from my special one. thanks! lucky i am punctual for the paper though mostly i am often late for the first period. school dismissed at 3 plus today as audit lesson was cancelled due to the few number of people reported. well, everyday was not in the mood to study after the accounting paper. i am feeling very tired. thus, i shall turn in early tonight.

okay, today something that pissed me off is my house that farker. anyone who know me well will know whom i am refering to. pardon me with certain words which are vulgar. i am pretty sure what i am doing is right or wrong. and i simply just hate him and never will i forgive him. i am good enough to respond back whenever he talk to me. most of the time i will treat it as he is invisible as i never look at his face before cause it just pissed me off. i am used to it as it had been like that for around 10 years.no one know exactly the reason why i hate him so much until i would never ever forgive him though he is someone related to me with the same surname.

the only person who know exactly the reason only to my dearest him. as he is only the one whom i can fully trust and can understand my feelings and reason why i will never forgive him. i just hate him. he is simply annoying, full stop!

even a smallest action can have the biggest impact in my life.
day after day, time passed away,
and i just cant get you off my mind CAUSE you are my special one.
i love you BABY.

all i want in my life is, you*

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, January 28, 2008

before i start this post,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST BABY IVAN*
best wishes throughout in your endeavours.

pardon me for not updating number of days. been busy with preparations for next monday accounting paper and other stuff. health was bad. recovered from food poisoning but not cough. seems i had been coughing for more than a month. i am dying soon. hur. nafa is over. though i failed, but i still tried my best. one week more to chinese new year. i believe most people are happy as they could receive red packets, new clothes and stuff. to me, its pretty normal and common to me. every year the same. there arent anything special. just that we are able to catch up with relatives and grandparent. saying of these, i still not yet bought complete my stuff such as one more dress and heels. i will be getting everything by next week? i reckoned. after tomorrow accounting paper, i will free to shop. good luck to people take accounting paper tomorrow.

yesterday night was a memorable one. celebrated birthday for my special someone. i am glad that eventually everything turn out to be surprise and smooth one ahead. though yesterday there are lies here and there, i knew you understand that all the lies suppose to be a surprise for you instead. with my effort and planning, i hope you enjoy and had a memorable and special birthday celebration and the small present from me. thanks for giving me the chance to celebrate your big day with you. hereby, i wish you once again, happy sweet birthday, best wishes. birthday boy.

dear ivan, with you by my side, i fear nothing. only you can make me smile without a fake one. i just want to let you know, i miss you. never will i ever forget the times that we had. so do you? every moment spent, is precious to me.

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

today is totally a bad day ! i am feeling so sick half way during accounting lesson time. i started to vomit non-stop. run to the toilet a lot of times. vomitted out all the food in my stomach which i taken this morning. nasi lemak. worst to worst, there isnt anything left in my stomach and i vomittted out the sour stuff. could it be acid? i dont know. at the moment, i am feeling extremely terrible. my face turned pale, giddy, feeling cold in both leg and hand. arghs. it just feel that i am going to faint any moment. thus my body is so weak now. sigh. hopefully i will be fine tomorrow.

the worst thing is tomorrow there is nafa. could i still be fit to take it? i really dont know now. even though i got MC, i dont want to join other people whom i dont know next time round for the retake.

i got to thanks chongling, huijuan, michelle for accompany me running to toilet and taking care of me, sending me back till door step. i am lucky to have you girls around.if not i think i will ended up in hospital? due to my condition just now in the afternoon. arghs. and also to few classmates in QS for the concern. and also to those who care. i will be fine soon.

went to doctor in the evening and i was down with food poisoning thats why will cause me to vomit and diarrhoea. i gonna turn in aftermatch after taking my medicine. i need sufficient rest and my beauty sleep.

with the concern from you, i knew i will be fine.
i simply miss you so much, my baby, ivan*

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, January 21, 2008

the sadness feeling of my heart;
a darkness of pain;
the sorrow of loss.

i am still down with sick. cough, flu and cold. when will all this stop? its killing me. it make me feel weaker and weaker. nafa is this coming tuesday, am i able to join in? hopefully i will feel better. god bless.

pardon me for now updated few days. busy with some stuff and been doing some revision here and there for the upcoming accounting CAs next week. there isnt much time left for me to mug on with revision. as the upcoming week will be a busy week for me. thus i shall make good use of the time i have to concentrate on. good luck to all doing your revision. as mention upcoming week will be a busy ones for me. nafa on tuesday, mugging on revision, buying stuff, shop for cny stuff, facial appointment. oh dear. i shall control the amount spend on everything as i am not working currently.

most importantly, i am looking forward for the coming weekend. loves!

i am glad i see you today. though its just a short hours, i do felt glad. every moment spend will always be a precious memories to me. i hope its the same to you too? though of waiting so long, ( only you and me know what it is ). i will try not to be stupid next time round ya. you pig.

today is exactly one month you have left me. one month ago, this day, i was hugging you and crying non-stop for hours. the pain is simply just too deep. seriously at the moment, i just dont know what to do, i am totally break down. and i knew this feeling will always be there. today, i am glad we still can spend time together. and the time will always be just so precious as long as you are beside me. hope that you will be feeling the same ways as me. thanks. i cant deny i dont love you. my one and only baby*

at times i question myself, who will really understand me? other than you. sometimes i just keep quiet, i am feeling totally different. my imagination just run wild. at this time when i am typing this post, i admit my feeling is down. iszit due to i am feeling tired or other thing? i really dont know. tears just drip down unknowingly. i wish i could hug you and lending me a shoulder to lean on. and i knew you will always be there to show your concern and everything. thanks. i miss you!

dont judge me from the outside, i am not happy or strong as all of you expected.
i am just not.

an innocent smile than a walk in the night.

SIGH.

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Friday, January 18, 2008

as the time turns the page,
my love for you wont age at all.
i will always be there.

this post is gonna be a random one. cause i am feeling pretty shag and moody now. i dont know why either. sigh.

bascially there isnt much thing to post. went to school as usual for accounting and audit lesson. ms tan has been worrying about us and i can see she istrying her best to make sure everyone of us understand the flow of the question. and yes, she is a patience and nice teacher. the paper is in two weeks time. thus we are doing revision papers everyday. with all the revision paper question and practises, i hope i am able to clarify all doubts. afterwhich headed to tamp for our meal and headed home.

if anyone thinks i am fine, it just aint true. smile with hidden question marks. in this world, there is no place i rather be. you are my life, my soul, my boy. and through it all i know, that you have come to see that you are the one i love. its had been a few days i fight back my tears. however, it doesnt mean the inner part dont. i love you baby*

i MISS you badly.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, January 17, 2008

the vision of what used to be,
the laughter, the sorrow,
always remind me of you.
baby* i miss you can.

things move on smoothly this few days. except some things that pissed me off. i will just delete everything cause i am used to it. well. attend school and shop for clothes and do some window shopping this few days. might be spending quite a lot this month. well. money can earn back with hard work contributed later on. no worries.

section head came in for spot check yesterday. we were unlucky to end up being said by her on our attire and school stuff. somehow rather i knew she is worried and concern for us in our studies. as we will be graduating in less than three month time. there is a lot more for us to catch up in between the time we left with. in addition, i was being caught for wearing slippers to school. warning received from her was to conficate our slippers and would let us to walk bare footed next time round.oh well, i will still be wearing slippers though. i will only wear shoe occasionally.

the ironic thing is i am down with flu. cough and STOMACH CRAMP. arghs. three things just attack me in one shot. its making me feel so terrible. pray that i will fully recover before chinese new year approach.

hmm. i have decided to go back to my dieting period again! i will rather use the money to buy things than to eat ya. good luck to myself !

i am going to turn in for my beauty sleep. i am feeling so shag and sleepy.

you are my destination love.
nothing else is important other you.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, January 14, 2008

i may look strong but i am not.
it doesnt mean there is nothing wrong.
i hide to cry,
because my weakness,
brings me tears.

school has started for one week. things goes on smoothly. busy with some admin stuff and catching up with coming CAs and also teacher complaining about attire. in two weeks time will be another CAs coming up. i am still not prepared with it. hopefully in two weeks time, i could catch up. scool was flooded with new intake. reflecting back when i just step in the college, now i am going to graduate soon. time really flies. i never regret entering ITE. its where i get to know new friends and also gain some knowledge.

went out to bugis with chongling to shop. it had been a long time since i went shopping. manage to buy two top which i love it. now gonna hunt for bottom and other accessories. though chinese new year is just two weeks away only. in the meantime, i shall also catch up with revision and also my health. as i am down with cough and flu this few days. the flam just cant get rid beneath my throat. arghs. i need pampered from YOU !

napha is coming in one week time. oh dear. it had been a long time since i am in my p.e attire and alsoattend s&w lesson. hopefully i am able to graduate without the attendance.

nothing seems to be alright, since the day you gone. there is just one heart, when there once was two. nobody can replace you in my heart. you are always my stupid pig!

smiles with millon hidden tears.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, January 10, 2008

reached home quite late due to the same routine every wed with friends they all. i am feeling unwell. stomachache. cough. cold. all attack me at one time. perhaps i need more rest. i am not on medication cause i never been to any doctor. my body is getting weaker. taken panadol and rub oil on stomach but it heal a while and back again. arghs. i shall turn in after blogging.

today is a very special day if we are not separated. it will be our four months together. but its sad and hurt to say. though today is the 19 days you have apart. when the clock strive 12am. i asked you if you do remember the date. i am glad you still remember. this date will always be in my mind.

we gone through a lot, to leave it all behind now. the 102 days have are gone, our time is through, still i burn on and on, all my life, only for you. deep inside my heart you will leave me never. and torn it apart, i will never forget you. you put my soul at ease when trouble pile up. happy four months my ex baby. i love you, my only ivan*

i miss you and our secret garden*
it will never be replaced*

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

school has started two days. i am feeling sleepy and tired. perhaps due to not enough hours of sleep and insonmia in the middle of the sleep. afterall, still got to catch up with works. CAs is coming in three weeks time. thats fast. gonna be stress? i feeling nothing now but just saddness. moreover my cough is getting worst. causing me to have difficulties in breathing. oh dear.

once again, i turn extreme moody now upon blogging. i just reach home from school and accompany friends to salon and trimming my eyebrown. when i am keeping quiet at certain moments, i cant resist myself from thinking a lot of things. i just couldnt. somehow i wish i can just 'disappear' peacefully. i used to be a strong girl in the past but not now. i have a shattered and weak heart now. i just failed to be strong. there will be lesser smile in my face. i apologised. those who know the tough path i am going through, will realise. the scar which only i can see myself. cause it is being concealed. it just hurts baby.

i do cherish you. without you, i never knew how days may lead for me. there is so much things i want to say but i am afraid. tomorrow will be a special day if we did not separate. baby* do you still remember the date? i knew you could only see this during friday. i hope to receive a reply from you when you seen this. it will always be a date i will be deeply buried in my heart. i will never forgotten this date as long as i am alive. i love you.

without a doubt,
i said it once again,
i love you, ivan*

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, January 7, 2008

tomorrow will be the start of new term again. this would be the last term. therefore, i gonna strive what i could for this three months. in three more months time, i will be graduating. time flies. its gonna be memories that i wont forget.

went out to cwp to get my stuff and also check on some pricing of some stuff. and also have some chat. as chinese new year is approaching, i think is time i should start hunting for new clothes and other accessories. due to not working much during the three weeks of holidays, i dont earn much. thus i should spend on stuff carefully.

i am down with cough for nearly half month without recovering any better. sometimes it may be down with breathing difficulties. hope it wont get worst. bless me.

i'm contented i could have a chat over with you last night. i knew it would not be a everyday basic anymore. i do miss the time we used to. the 'daily routine' which you used to call as will always be there in my mind. i wish it could become reality again. but could i? sigh.

just to tell you i miss you alot.
you are the only one who can keep my heart skip a beat.

16 days.

Blogged @ 3:45 PM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, January 5, 2008

as i stared upon anything,
memories flashing back at all times,
as i was trying to sleep,
memories still flash back in my dreams,
i couldnt control it,
thus tears flowing down my cheeks.

will you feel sad upon flashing back the memories we used to have?

baby* ivan* nothing can ever replace your great love,
you will always be rooted deep in my heart,
fate will shows everything,
one day down the road,
i hope you would return.

i couldnt bring back my smile.
i lost my smile. i lost everything.
when would be the day i will stand up again?
i really dont know. i have no answer to it.
whatever in my mind, is just you.
is not the matter of letting it go,
is the matter how important you are to me.

separation is always the painful and toughest thing.
nothing else will pull me down.
perhaps i am just now good enough.

you will always be my love.
o9o9o7 ' baby you are my destiny ' unforgettable*

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Friday, January 4, 2008

i am just feeling just so deeply hurt.
everyone has its own flaws.
why the thoughts of that just come to your mind.
i just dont understand.

things happen out of sudden.
its really so sudden until i couldnt face it at all.
and i seriously SWEAR,
i am not the girl you all used to know anymore.
i am not saying all this to let anyone sympathy me.
i dont need any sympathy. as i know those who care will just standby me by my side. thanks to those who are always there.

i am just nobody! not the girl who used to be strong who stand up in any obstacles.
i just changed into another one.
i miss him terribly. i cant denied that.
though i think i am already nobody to anyone.
i know i disappoint a lot of people who are there to encourage me and by my side not letting me alone.

i am dripping non-stop upon blogging this post. a short sentence just hurt me. i dont want ! yes i understand. nobody understand how i am feeling right now. except you. i dint expect much but just the promise you made to me.
whether how hurt or how deep i suffer, all is just by myself. i can suffer it.
SIGH. baby* can i just lend your shoulder as a friend once again to lean on?

i am sorry for all the negative act out of sudden.
i will be fine.

no matter what, promise me you wont ignore me or anything.
nothing else matters whether i am dead or alive.

13 days gone.
another me.
the scar .

Blogged @ 12:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, January 3, 2008

when i am down and all alone,
when nothing seems to matter,
i am lost.
i cant seems to reach for solid ground.
i think of you every sight.

i may bring a smile at times. but those who know me well, you guys might see me i am reacting so weird. i could just break down out of sudden. i may just keep quiet. my mood just swing. seriously, i do not know what is wrong with me. i just dont feel being myself. at point of times, i just hate myself so much. until i could think of suscide. it is a silly and stubborn decision, yes i knew. but i couldnt resist myself from it. i NEED you.

added on. i think last thurday i have made a biggest mistakes in GIANT. it will never be the same anymore? SIGH.

i hate my life. i hate myself. nothing seems to be alright. i think i am better off ALONE.

LOST.-

Blogged @ 3:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

it is 2oo8 ! time flies. it is the beginning of the year once again at the blink of an eyes.
hereby i wish everyone happy new year 2oo8. best wishes to all in your future endeavours.

thinking back the days and moments in 2oo7.
2oo7 have really been a fast going year.
it didnt feel like a year passed. many things happpened throughout the year.
be it happy or sad ones. the special moments to be rememebered.
and ofcause my secret garden with baby* sigh.
i do cherish you. it gave me a deep and unforgettable memories.

so my resolution for 2oo8. let hope everything move on smoothly. though things can happen unknowingly. i will be graduating this year. time flies. hopefully i have a good plan ahead.
in life there is always ups and downs we got to face.
hope you could bring my smile back once again.
you are always the special someone in my heart.
bless everyone would embrace the new 2oo8 with a postive outlook.

last night spent my day at pasir ris park celebrating long's birthday. happy birthday to you. though it was a simple one, i doubt most of us did enjoy. after which headed down to downtown. some of us were drinking and also chatting. the weather is so perfectly fine. windy and cooling. looking upon the sky, stars caught my attention. how i wish beside me was the one who is important to me accompany me to watch. it would be very sweet. as usual i drink and turn out to be tipsy hours later. sigh. i got to thanks i have those group of caring friends there. sorry to trouble you all. though it is a simple night, there is still memorable moments. after which headed down to find him. having you by my side, i seems less troubled.

in this post i should not reveal my feeling. it is the new year ahead. and it should be a brand new year with everything. but seriously for me. i swear it is nothing to me though it is a new year. i just lost someone whom is important to me.
lastly, sad new year 2oo8 to me.
i will always be leading the saddest life.

sigh.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -