- Lock my life with you ;

Friday, February 15, 2008

in a world without you;
i would always hunger,
all i need is only your love.

i have not been updating for the past few days. in simple, life for me had never been good at all. teachers and friends have been asking me what happened as i looked moody and bottled up with problems. i just smiled and respond, ' life goes on ' . pretending i am fine. sigh. for those friends whom are always with me, will realise i changed a lot ever since mid of dec. well. it seems my health is getting weaker again.

firstly i wish everyone out there, Happy Valentine's Day. for those who are attached, stay happy in love, and those who are single, dont be disheartened, there is still friends around you to share your love with, friendship's day, when the right time is here, your valentine will appear.

and i knew on valentine's day, most people would crack their brains over what do do for their partner or ther love ones. for me, this valentine, i could only treat it as a normal day. i just pretend it to be another day for me. its whom i knew i love, so any other day he will always be my valentine. and i think everyone is celebrating forthe sake of celebrating? no offence to it as thats my point of view. every day we could shower our love and let the one we loved to feel that we really care, we do not have to do these only on valentine day. its just a special day somehow rather. thus to make it simple, if we are happy with the one we love, everyday would be valentine day.

yesterday was suppose to meet up with him for movie. but due to the incident that happened, ended up we didnt meet. i felt disappointed but i understand the situation. i knew you feeling arent better too. i felt sad for you too. hope that you will be fine and get over it soon. i will always be there.

i chose not to go out instead today except to school. sad valentine day to myself. i knew i am just console myself. well, i wish you, ivan, Happy Valentine's Day, loves!

this whole week, i am feeling alone and helpless. each and every step is taken in uncertainty with every quivering thoughts. this feeling of doubts set in, its sad. and i am left to grapple with my own fears. no one can truly understand till they are in the boat. i admit i am not the one i used to be anymore. i love you ; my love.

baby, dont leave me alone.

Blogged @ 3:40 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

everything i hold on;
is everything i cant let go.

monday blues. its totally a ironic day for me. i am feeling down or sad ever since last night, even the moment i woke up this morning, the same feeling continues. skipped morning lecture and headed for accounting lesson and case study. i dont understand what the new topic is about and i am copying down the answer which is being written on the board. hopefully i could catch up later on.

will i cry myself to sleep? sigh. i wish i could sleep and never wake up again. the things i have been thinking in my mind is just far too much. and i just miss you so much.

nothing can cheer me up today.
i miss all those happy days with you.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, February 11, 2008

third day of chinese new year went to cousin's place at hougang and headed back to marmie's friend house. gamble and also play with their grandson. watching them grow bigger, make me think of i am hitting 20s this year. time really flies. in few years time, what will i be doing? would i be able to have what i hope for?

and seriously today i am feeling extremely DOWN. i just feel taking a knife and just stab onto myself. the feeling is terrible. who really understand? thanks for those who ask about what happened to me. i appreciate it. i am going to break down at any point of time. but i am just controlling myself not to. cause i know i will be doing silly things when i really break down. i could only think and think and think, thats all. sigh. one day if i have fallen into the stage of depression, i think only those who read my blog will know whats wrong with me. cause i will be typing out all my emotions in blog. bless me.

baby ; i have been waiting for the whole day of your text. i called you several time. i am worried for you, wondering are you ignoring me? am i being annoyed by you? all this silly thoughts just came to my mind. i just couldnt refrain myself from thinking. i just hate myself. until the clock nearly strike twelve, i received your text. i could say i am relieved. after hearing from you why i never received any text or having respond to your call, i understood. but its still SIGH.

i am not feeling ALRIGHT ! what's wrong with me? i HATE HATE myself !

yesterday was the 9th of feb. why would i be mentioning about this date? well. it's a special and memorable day for me to remember. never will i ever forget this date.and i am glad you still remember it's our past anni date. it's not the same now. i really miss it. 090907. you are always the one who understand me. embrace my fragility. nothing can pull me down other than this.

baby, promise me that we will always be the close ones though we already parted for 52 days till today. and i love you still, happy 5th month my ex baby. memories will be deeply buried forever, and i swear.

the pain is just too deep.
my beloved 090907.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

its the 4th day of chinese new year. time flies. school will resume tomorrow. i am staying at home today after three days of visiting. marmie got to work and i do not have any program thus stay at home and be a depress girl.

third day of chinese new year went to cousin's place at hougang and headed back to marmie's friend house. gamble and also play with their grandson. watching them grow bigger, make me think of i am hitting 20s this year. time really flies. in few years time, what will i be doing? would i be able to have what i hope for?

and seriously today i am feeling extremely DOWN. i just feel taking a knife and just stab onto myself. the feeling is terrible. who really understand? thanks for those who ask about what happened to me. i appreciate it. i am going to break down at any point of time. but i am just controlling myself not to. cause i know i will be doing silly things when i really break down. i could only think and think and think, thats all. sigh. one day if i have fallen into the stage of depression, i think only those who are close with me will know what's wrong with me. bless me.

baby; i have been waiting for the whole day of your text. i called you several time. i am worried for you, wondering are you ignoring me? am i being annoyed by you? all this silly thoughts just came to my mind. i just couldnt refrain myself from thinking. i just hate myself. until the clock nearly strike twelve, i received your text. i could say i am relieved. after hearing from you why i never received any text or having respond to your call earlier on, i understood. but its still SIGH.

i am not feeling ALRIGHT ! what's wrong with me? i HATE myself !

yesterday was the 9th of feb. why would i be mentioning about this date? well. it's a special and memorable day for me to remember. never will i ever forget this date. and i am glad you still remember it's our past anni date. it's not the same now. i really miss it. 090907; . you are always the one who understand me. embrace my fragility. nothing can pull me down other than this.

baby, promise me that we will always be the close ones though we already parted for 52 days till today. happy 5th month my ex baby. memories will be deeply buried forever, and i swear.

the pain is just too deep.
my beloved 090907.
i miss it lots.

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

I AM NOT FEELING GOOD !
I AM FEELING EXTREMELY SAD NOW.
NO ONE KNOWS.

where are you?

Blogged @ 3:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, February 9, 2008

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

it's new year time and seriously speaking i do not have the mood to celebrate it at all. well, the feeling just cant be describe and i am just bored ended up with no excitement at all. or perhaps at times i am just trying to join in the atmosphere?

first day of new year went over to uncle house. it's always the same every year. all relatives and cousin will gather together as grandmother is staying with uncle. as usual we would have steamboat every year and followed by gambling session with cousins and uncle, aunt. there arent any special. catching up with each other life and my relatives said i changed a lot within one year, i slimed down more. well, next year will be better? i am not happy with my target yet. i can do it ! and ya though i lose in majong session as i just learnt but i still win back in blackjack, thus no lose no win.

second day of new year went for visiting again. went to clementi and batok relatives house. it's a boring day again. the heels is causing my leg to have blisters. arghs its so pain. went over to his place afterwhich. yeap.

thanks to all my relatives and cousin who gave me the red packet. and also not forgetting his marmie for the red packet too. (: and also my marmie for the largest amount. i have not counted all the money as i am lazy. perhaps i should count it when chinese new year end.

i dont intend to include any of my emotion in this post. in short, i am not feeling good.

its not easy to be me afterall.
i just hide my feelings.
sigh.

Blogged @ 3:45 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, February 7, 2008

pardon me for not updating few days. firstly, i gonna wish everyone in advance;
Happy Chinese New Year. Best Wishes and May All Your Dreams Fullfilled.
hope everyone has a good days throughout the fifteen days of Chinese New Year.

i am really tired but i cant sleep thus i am here sitting infront of the computer to blog. i cried at this very moment. sigh. Chinese New Year should be a happy one isnt it? why am i shedding my tears instead.

baby, i miss you.

random post for last few days routine. got back my accounting results, i passed but not with flying colour, well effort do pay off. and i reckoned i have bought everything for chinese new year. had my hair dyed. manicure and pedicure. doll up myself just simple itself. went school only for monday this week as tuesday i am not at home.

tomorrow will be meeting up with relatives as thats what i do during the first day of Chinese New Year. adults like to ask same question every year again and again.
got boyfriend? how is studies so far? when graduate? still working? comments on grow prettier or ugly? BORING.
hope tomorow would be a good day.

pardon me for just a simple post as i am totally not in the mood to blog. just a random post.

the negative thoughts in me will never be gone from the clouds that withold them. instead, it will just merged with the clouds and fall as rain. strong sad emotion can come like waves to take you high and then drop me down into despair.

i need a shoulder. and i know i cant denied in my heart i just want his shoulder. kill me please!would i fall into depression one day? no one knows. thing can happen out of sudden. so does it.

and i love you, ivan.

BYE.

Blogged @ 3:59 PM
Don't let me go -