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Thursday, July 17, 2008

have been down with sick for days. probably i am lack of rest due to overwork and stress over my thing. these two days i am on off so it would be a rest day for me.sunday 13/7 went to work but upon reaching office i went back home after that again. i started to shiver non-stop. and i swear its really so damn uncomfortable. sigh.thanks to huilian sis and kent for taking care after me for the short moment whereby you guys suppose to have your meal break. after cooling down, i took cab back alone to causeway to meet my mother to visit doctor. inititally i thought you would accompany me. cause everyone is busy to accompany me but ended up it a disappointment. sigh. after visiting the doctor, i realise my fever hit above 40 degree. every part of my body feel so weak. argh. and i hate that shallow guy. elaborate in next post.

sigh. who would actually understand the pain i am going through?! everytime it ended up to be a disappointment for me. never will i have the time to be happy once?i bet its just so hard. its seems like everything is getting worst as day passes. my mood can swing at any point of time. i always try to control not to cry. until the very moment, i just cant control. why cant i be given a chance to be cherish? perhaps its too late. and it would never happen again.

and i strongly believe this sentence, ' people only regret and only know how to cherish after they realise how important someone or thing to them is gone '. i have always be there no matter rain or shine. or because i still care. and i knew in return what i got is nothing. you did mention before. you are sorry that you did not treat me the way that i want. yes ofcause i am disappointed. maybe in life what i got is just disappointment. rewind back, its had already been 20 days i have not seen you.the last day we met up was 27 june. after that, all i got was just disappointment. worst than before. last time your words wont be that hurtful. sigh. perhaps i am just an ignoranceto you. i am just nothing! bet this would be a miserable moment i am going through. i am really really really disappointed. SIGH.

Blogged @ 11:00 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

the story that leave a deep scar,
which will never heal. NEVER will it be.
all this time is going nowhere.
i am facing lots of phobia now.
i will not be the one you all used to know.
pardon me for being emo out of a sudden. i dont know why.

went to work early in the morning. i simply hate squeezing with lots of passenger in train due to peak hour. its so hard to get into the train. thus ended up i was late half an hour. everything move on fine at work just that i am so tired of certain thing. afterwhich, headed to town. shop at mango. bought few tops and bottoms and trim my eyebrown. went for dinner and headed back home. on the way home, i am feeling so tired and sleep and also emotional. been having a lot of question in my mind. sigh. when will i be really happy again? i really dont know. perhaps it wont? let fate decide the path.

today is a special date. every 9th of the month, its our past anniversary which used to be a memorable date for me and you. everything its the past now. 2o2 days being apart. its neither long nor short. all the days are memories despite being apart. there is a lot of ups and downs along the journey. for the first 4 month of the anniversary, i do wish you. happy anniversary to my ex bf. but now i kept it to myself. i dont have the courage to wish anymore. all is phobia. what i wish is i hope you will still remember this date always.
last but not least, you just matters a lot to me.

my hardest goodbye. * navi.


Blogged @ 11:58 PM
Don't let me go -

Monday, July 7, 2008

once again, i am back to the one whom i dont know who i am. hardly can see me smile. i just force myself to smile. its so hard. i could just break down before i turn in these few night. i swear, its really so pain. sigh.
i always hide behind the mask. i know i am not good enough for you. thus you chose to apart. perhaps i am not pretty too. all these flows in my mind. why. its seems i can only blame myself. nothing else.
reminisce the moment of this time during last year, it was the sweet and memorable moment we are going through. everyday you never failed to make me brighten up my day. calling me as your baby. over the phone for hours despite you are tired. delication over the radio forecast daily. i really miss those days. perhaps it will never be back again. all these memories are precious. whenever i think of those times, my tears can just flow. i would chose to end my life uncertainly. i knew its silly to do so. everyone who care for me, you? my dear friends, especially my mother would be in pain if i apart the world.
i dont want to disappoint any of you but at times i really feel so useless. nothing else really that matters anymore. to me you are really important. but is sad to say i got to face reality that it wont be the same anymore. it really hurts.
sometimes i just dont know how to describe my feelings. its just heart breaking.

sigh. i miss you.

Blogged @ 11:59 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, July 3, 2008

the world i knew it wont come back.
the time i lost , its not easy to get back.
the life i had wont be the past us i want again.
neverthesless ; i still want you .

happy moments wont last long. isnt it true?
its so hard to face reality.
once again, i hate myself !

went to work. 11am to 730pm. its just not my day. had been feeling uneasy since yesterday. i dont know what is wrong with me. head feeling giddy. at times feel like vomit. i can feel that my body is getting weaker when my mood is down. lost in appetite. i am just so numb. i can just break down at any point of time. sigh. headed back home after meeting up wei yee with rui wen.

throughout the day, my mind just filled with lots of randomly negative things. why?!
am i really think too much?
once again, i feeling so down and upset.
i wish you could be there and that would already satisfy me.

bringing a smile on my face is not an easy task.
my him* , i do miss you ; sigh.

Blogged @ 11:58 PM
Don't let me go -