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Monday, May 11, 2009

confusion, lost, depressed, disappointed, the state of mind i am often in now. for all the things i going through now. i dont know how long it will stay but i am trying hard to be strong. love is a confusion. its like going into a war. i hope things will turn better as the days goes by. i am sorry.

been busy with work the whole week of my holiday. its very tiring but the collecting the hard earn money definitely worth the effort. i have been doing wedding dinner for almost the whole week. really envy them. i believed all couple went through a lot before coming to the tie of a knot. sometimes i am thinking, how long down the road i will be walking onto the red carpet and who will be the guy whom i will walk down the aisle with.

at a blink of an eyes, school reopen today. the beginning of the new term which is also the last term in the course. though i am so reluctant to attend school, just hope that days passes quickly. two more month please move on fast!

i am not going to stop here. i have no mood in continue blogging. update next post. bye.

nothing is gonna make me smile.
or rather i dont know how to.
takecare.

Blogged @ 11:55 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

i hate the way i am feeling now
i dislike being alone
and only if he is there for me right now
that would sastify me

sunday is my first day returning back to work after nearly two months. glad to see those regular faces. suppose to work until 11pm but ended up helping up hisam with OT. its a good thing. i can earn more money and in the same time occupy myself with thing. next working day tml.

last night, i cried so hard. i am totally lost. i will never forget this incident. this is my first time going through it. seriously i am utterly disappointed and pain. tears just cant stop flowing down. i cried more harder and harder. i dont wish to be seen as such a person in your eyes. i knew that its no point saying this now as everything had been solved. still i couldnt digest the facts though i knew that my inner conscience is very clear. i know you are trying to get an answer to it despite of your harsh way of asking. during this two month i never lie to you before. i understand you well though its just short period. you know i hate liars and i dont like to hide thing. same goes to you. we have the same thoughts. last night incident made me come to a several thoughts. all along am i really such a person in your eyes? do you really have the trust in my words? sigh.i had already explained everything. i am sorry for marking an awful comments on her. you will never get to know whether if she did betray you behind.

sometimes i wonder, why god put us in such situation? perhaps back then we couldnt understand why each other did the things we did or understand howeach other felt. and how things turned out to be in this way. i always believe everything happen for a reason. nobody to be blamed. and for that,i am sorry. sorry to be is always a hardest and saddest word. humans will only learn to cherish when they lose something important to them.

lastly before i forgotten, ever since last week, i have decided to remove my nickname. no more xiaohui but jiahui. the reason i wouldnt mention much over here. i wanna be a better person and not bothering about those stuff anymore. all those are the past. i believe everyone goes through different stages in lifes. we experience a lot of things, and every stage in lifes will always be a lesson learnt. i will never regret things that i chose to do thus i will never regret removing my nickname. people who know me will be shock to see this?

there is so many things i wanted to say to you. but i just couldnt pharse it out verbally. i do not have the courage nor confidence. one day i will tell you everything what i would want to say. but nevertheless, i hope i am the one whom is your last love. love is complicated but nothing is impossible.

to watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days
just wanna go through the bad and good life together ahead.
the path would be tough, i believe given time, we will make it through.
therefore, i pray that things will turn better each day. god bless.

Blogged @ 11:59 PM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, May 2, 2009

i had entered a world of questions
answers to be sought and found
inside my heart was all chaos
and the fear within me

i am back after disappearing for two weeks. finally this critical EXAM period is over. i do not know what the outcome would be like. no matter what i knew that i already put in my best and effort in revising throughout the night. good luck to me and my friends.

i admit this two weeks are full with mixture of feelings. be it stress, lost, mentally breakdown, tired and the unhappiness in me. and i told myself during that critical period not to let the stress in me to affect me from focusing so i tried not to think. finally now exam is over and thus i am down with one stress. but not the rest. sigh.

i am sorry to ade gal. siyuan and edward. for the incident that happened. i am sorry to let you all worried. thanks for being by my side and encouraging me to look on the better side and focus on exam and putting the thing aside until exam had ended. sorry marmie for worrying and bringing me to the clinic. and ade gal's cousin who came to visit me during that period. thanks all those who care. i had already recovered from it and the actions will never be forgotten.
and p.s ; i never regret what i had done.

after so long, tomorrow i will be returning back to work. i am having one week holiday. perhaps its time for me to disappear and get tied down with work so as i will get myself tired and do some planning. i need money. there is so much things i want to do. despite of my busy schedule ahead, i will still pick up some of my time to update the blog. i am glad that there is still two friend who tagged and awaiting for my post. i appreciate. for those who did pass by, do leave a tag behind and let me know. there is so much things that happen for this two month.i doubt this year will be a good year for me. everything happen on me are just unlucky. it makes me come to the conclusion of having no confidence in myself. i guess i should just pretend and move on with my daily life ahead. i am really lost in everything.

why does everyday seems so long and dreadful? i learnt that pain is a lonely thing. its impossible to understand one's pain. there is so many things in me that i wanted to say. but i just couldnt. i really dont know why. i could only just put it all in my mind. i dont know who to turn to. i dont know who to trust. i do not know how to describe my thoughts. but i could remember everything vivdly. nevertheless, i miss you, zjse*

Blogged @ 1:27 AM
Don't let me go -