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Thursday, July 30, 2009

here then, i realise that my blog actually had been dead for few month.
i got pretty much to update but just too lazy.
anyway, bear with me with the long post in this entry. and i promise i will update frequently.

seriously i am mentally tired with everything. everyday i got to play pretend to make myself smile. yes, its tough.
be it school, work, family, friends and relationship. everything isnt going on smoothly for me. i seriously think 2oo9 is a bad year for me.
my luck for this year is totally bad. perhaps they say this year for dragon is not a good year, be it everything. i am not supersitious but somehow its true.

school. times flies. its coming to an end very soon. the moment i have been waiting for. i am happy because i dont have to torture and drag myself
to school every single day due to facing those sick faces in class. i am sad because although its just 6 months, there is stories behind it.
and not forgetting the new friends i make in class and not forgetting the old ones, such as my working colleagues, ex-ite school mates and 8 years friend. all the best to you guys.

work. its pretty messy. the management getting bad to worst. the grooming standard becoming stricter and stricter. not forgetting i am being
sent back home due to my poor grooming. its the first time after working for 4 year plus. damn it. honestly, in general i think they are getting too much.
anyway its just my part time job. sooner or later i will leave. so for the sake of money, i got to endure. however, i still enjoy working with some people.
you guys are those that brighten up my days at work. money might not be everything, but definitely important to survive.

family. those who know me well will know about my background. i shall not elaborate much over here. my mum, she meant well,
but i think otherwise, i understand whatever she say is for my own good, she really care and concern a lot for me. but perhaps i'm just rebellious.
but no matter what i do, i wil think through whether its right or wrong. so ya, i am still making my mother worry and worry despite of anything.
cause i dont share my personal things with her. but i am sure one day she will understand.

friends. after going through nearly up to 21 years of my life, i been through a lot. how rebellious i am in the past but not to the extend of committing any crime.
i always tell myself or my friends, one doesnt need a lot of friends. so what if you go anywhere, you saw familiar faces and you say hi to them, doesnt mean you are popular.
reason because they are literally your friends. only inside my heart know who are my true friend. just the few will do. they never failed to be there to let me share my thoughts with.
listen to my whining, giving me advice, console me and standby me. thats what i asked for. simple isnt it? i dont need hypocrites friends. those only bring harm to me.
however, sometimes i still disappointed in certain friend. i am sorry to say its hard for me to trust anybody now. after several incident i been through. it hurts.

relationship. i am stuck in that hole. i always have to play pretend to make myself smile. and make everybody assume everythings is fine. yes, reality is always harsh.
the truth is always hurt. no matter what we still have to face it. i am always weak when come to relationship. its hard for me to trust, took up the courage
to commit in anything after the past lesson i learnt. actions speak louder than words. i hate empty promise. cause it hurts.
how much effort i put in, how much i have sacrifice, sometimes i think i really need to get myself a reflection, is it worth it?
i hate to show the unhappy side of me to other people. to be simple, i am just putting a mask so as to cover myself.
i think i failed miserably.

i am tired. seriously tired. who is there for me? not forgetting those who are always there. you guys know who you are.
am i really fated not to have any happiness in any where?

the scars remind me of that past is just a dream.

Blogged @ 11:59 PM
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