xiaOhui

the scare reminds me the past is just a dream

2009-07-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

here then, i realise that my blog actually had been dead for few month.
i got pretty much to update but just too lazy.
anyway, bear with me with the long post in this entry. and i promise i will update frequently.

seriously i am mentally tired with everything. everyday i got to play pretend to make myself smile. yes, its tough.
be it school, work, family, friends and relationship. everything isnt going on smoothly for me. i seriously think 2oo9 is a bad year for me.
my luck for this year is totally bad. perhaps they say this year for dragon is not a good year, be it everything. i am not supersitious but somehow its true.

school. times flies. its coming to an end very soon. the moment i have been waiting for. i am happy because i dont have to torture and drag myself
to school every single day due to facing those sick faces in class. i am sad because although its just 6 months, there is stories behind it.
and not forgetting the new friends i make in class and not forgetting the old ones, such as my working colleagues, ex-ite school mates and 8 years friend. all the best to you guys.

work. its pretty messy. the management getting bad to worst. the grooming standard becoming stricter and stricter. not forgetting i am being
sent back home due to my poor grooming. its the first time after working for 4 year plus. damn it. honestly, in general i think they are getting too much.
anyway its just my part time job. sooner or later i will leave. so for the sake of money, i got to endure. however, i still enjoy working with some people.
you guys are those that brighten up my days at work. money might not be everything, but definitely important to survive.

family. those who know me well will know about my background. i shall not elaborate much over here. my mum, she meant well,
but i think otherwise, i understand whatever she say is for my own good, she really care and concern a lot for me. but perhaps i'm just rebellious.
but no matter what i do, i wil think through whether its right or wrong. so ya, i am still making my mother worry and worry despite of anything.
cause i dont share my personal things with her. but i am sure one day she will understand.

friends. after going through nearly up to 21 years of my life, i been through a lot. how rebellious i am in the past but not to the extend of committing any crime.
i always tell myself or my friends, one doesnt need a lot of friends. so what if you go anywhere, you saw familiar faces and you say hi to them, doesnt mean you are popular.
reason because they are literally your friends. only inside my heart know who are my true friend. just the few will do. they never failed to be there to let me share my thoughts with.
listen to my whining, giving me advice, console me and standby me. thats what i asked for. simple isnt it? i dont need hypocrites friends. those only bring harm to me.
however, sometimes i still disappointed in certain friend. i am sorry to say its hard for me to trust anybody now. after several incident i been through. it hurts.

relationship. i am stuck in that hole. i always have to play pretend to make myself smile. and make everybody assume everythings is fine. yes, reality is always harsh.
the truth is always hurt. no matter what we still have to face it. i am always weak when come to relationship. its hard for me to trust, took up the courage
to commit in anything after the past lesson i learnt. actions speak louder than words. i hate empty promise. cause it hurts.
how much effort i put in, how much i have sacrifice, sometimes i think i really need to get myself a reflection, is it worth it?
i hate to show the unhappy side of me to other people. to be simple, i am just putting a mask so as to cover myself.
i think i failed miserably.

i am tired. seriously tired. who is there for me? not forgetting those who are always there. you guys know who you are.
am i really fated not to have any happiness in any where?

the scars remind me of that past is just a dream.

i hate this feeling

2009-05-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

confusion, lost, depressed, disappointed, the state of mind i am often in now. for all the things i going through now. i dont know how long it will stay but i am trying hard to be strong. love is a confusion. its like going into a war. i hope things will turn better as the days goes by. i am sorry.

been busy with work the whole week of my holiday. its very tiring but the collecting the hard earn money definitely worth the effort. i have been doing wedding dinner for almost the whole week. really envy them. i believed all couple went through a lot before coming to the tie of a knot. sometimes i am thinking, how long down the road i will be walking onto the red carpet and who will be the guy whom i will walk down the aisle with.

at a blink of an eyes, school reopen today. the beginning of the new term which is also the last term in the course. though i am so reluctant to attend school, just hope that days passes quickly. two more month please move on fast!

i am not going to stop here. i have no mood in continue blogging. update next post. bye.

nothing is gonna make me smile.
or rather i dont know how to.
takecare.

just another thoughts

2009-05-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

i hate the way i am feeling now
i dislike being alone
and only if he is there for me right now
that would sastify me

sunday is my first day returning back to work after nearly two months. glad to see those regular faces. suppose to work until 11pm but ended up helping up hisam with OT. its a good thing. i can earn more money and in the same time occupy myself with thing. next working day tml.

last night, i cried so hard. i am totally lost. i will never forget this incident. this is my first time going through it. seriously i am utterly disappointed and pain. tears just cant stop flowing down. i cried more harder and harder. i dont wish to be seen as such a person in your eyes. i knew that its no point saying this now as everything had been solved. still i couldnt digest the facts though i knew that my inner conscience is very clear. i know you are trying to get an answer to it despite of your harsh way of asking. during this two month i never lie to you before. i understand you well though its just short period. you know i hate liars and i dont like to hide thing. same goes to you. we have the same thoughts. last night incident made me come to a several thoughts. all along am i really such a person in your eyes? do you really have the trust in my words? sigh.i had already explained everything. i am sorry for marking an awful comments on her. you will never get to know whether if she did betray you behind.

sometimes i wonder, why god put us in such situation? perhaps back then we couldnt understand why each other did the things we did or understand howeach other felt. and how things turned out to be in this way. i always believe everything happen for a reason. nobody to be blamed. and for that,i am sorry. sorry to be is always a hardest and saddest word. humans will only learn to cherish when they lose something important to them.

lastly before i forgotten, ever since last week, i have decided to remove my nickname. no more xiaohui but jiahui. the reason i wouldnt mention much over here. i wanna be a better person and not bothering about those stuff anymore. all those are the past. i believe everyone goes through different stages in lifes. we experience a lot of things, and every stage in lifes will always be a lesson learnt. i will never regret things that i chose to do thus i will never regret removing my nickname. people who know me will be shock to see this?

there is so many things i wanted to say to you. but i just couldnt pharse it out verbally. i do not have the courage nor confidence. one day i will tell you everything what i would want to say. but nevertheless, i hope i am the one whom is your last love. love is complicated but nothing is impossible.

to watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days
just wanna go through the bad and good life together ahead.
the path would be tough, i believe given time, we will make it through.
therefore, i pray that things will turn better each day. god bless.

i really dont know what should i do?

2009-05-02T01:27:00.000+08:00

i had entered a world of questions
answers to be sought and found
inside my heart was all chaos
and the fear within me

i am back after disappearing for two weeks. finally this critical EXAM period is over. i do not know what the outcome would be like. no matter what i knew that i already put in my best and effort in revising throughout the night. good luck to me and my friends.

i admit this two weeks are full with mixture of feelings. be it stress, lost, mentally breakdown, tired and the unhappiness in me. and i told myself during that critical period not to let the stress in me to affect me from focusing so i tried not to think. finally now exam is over and thus i am down with one stress. but not the rest. sigh.

i am sorry to ade gal. siyuan and edward. for the incident that happened. i am sorry to let you all worried. thanks for being by my side and encouraging me to look on the better side and focus on exam and putting the thing aside until exam had ended. sorry marmie for worrying and bringing me to the clinic. and ade gal's cousin who came to visit me during that period. thanks all those who care. i had already recovered from it and the actions will never be forgotten.
and p.s ; i never regret what i had done.

after so long, tomorrow i will be returning back to work. i am having one week holiday. perhaps its time for me to disappear and get tied down with work so as i will get myself tired and do some planning. i need money. there is so much things i want to do. despite of my busy schedule ahead, i will still pick up some of my time to update the blog. i am glad that there is still two friend who tagged and awaiting for my post. i appreciate. for those who did pass by, do leave a tag behind and let me know. there is so much things that happen for this two month.i doubt this year will be a good year for me. everything happen on me are just unlucky. it makes me come to the conclusion of having no confidence in myself. i guess i should just pretend and move on with my daily life ahead. i am really lost in everything.

why does everyday seems so long and dreadful? i learnt that pain is a lonely thing. its impossible to understand one's pain. there is so many things in me that i wanted to say. but i just couldnt. i really dont know why. i could only just put it all in my mind. i dont know who to turn to. i dont know who to trust. i do not know how to describe my thoughts. but i could remember everything vivdly. nevertheless, i miss you, zjse*

re-post back

2009-04-12T23:50:00.001+08:00

Once again i am back.
i knew that i have been away for too long. time flies. seven months had passed, i could see my reader are fallen asleep with my quiet post and my tagboard are silent as well. leave me a tag if you are still around awaiting for my updates. i appreciate you all.

it had been a roller coaster period for the past seven months. i knew that with the constant support from my friends around me, i have managed to get through some lowest peak period. this entry perhaps will be a long post if you are not interested, you may ignore, for those who bother, thanks I appreciate it. let me have a summarise of my life for the past seven months.

Firstly, i had removed all my past entries to draft. i gonna start the blog once again with my new life ahead. thus the past will be kept as memories. i had given up after waiting for one year plus. In short, i am glad that i step out of that life. thanks for the past memories. i learnt my lesson and i will never turn back again. not to further elaborate, cause i don’t wish to. if you want to know, approach me.

Secondly, i had already returned back to school. though the period is short, most importantly is i want to get out the school soon with my diploma cert. good luck to me. after studying two months in the school, i don’t really like the atmosphere due to certain reasons which i will not be elaborating in this post. perhaps in the later post. exam is around the corner, hereby wishing those preparing for the paper, all the best.

a lot of things happened around me these two months. the endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow. the constant ups and downs of daily strife. and always the questions remain in my mind. i have no answer to it as its an endless path.

life is fragile. we will never know what will happen the next moment. its really unpredictable. sometimes i just think why humans never had this thing call emotions. nobody will ever need to go through the pains and no tears but just happiness. all these are just illusions. stress is my best friend now. sometimes when i am alone, i questions myself, who really understand me?

Lastly ;
to esjz*
i am glad that you step into my life. just in this two months, we been through a lot. be it happy or crucial times. but at a point of time, i knew that everything move on too fast. all those words i promise you i will. i know the path ahead for us to go through its not simple, but i believe we will make it through. i am glad that you are by my side whenever i need someone to turn to. to standby me and give me the advice and all. thanks for everything. i will wait for you to be mine. give both of us time. i know at times i will be thinking a lot of what is going to happen and what is going on, i hope you forgive me. with you around, i knew i will be fine from all the doubts. nevertheless, i miss you.

one year anniversary.

2008-09-09T23:45:00.004+08:00

i have not updated my blog for a month. pardon me for those who are reading it. been busy with work, hanging out with friends and tired to blog. thus, i am here to do my update for a month stuff. bear with me with the lost post. i appreciate your effort in reading. and leave me a comment. thanks.

hours in the rain. i searched for an answer. mind full of question marks whereby there is no answer to it. i am confused. should i smiled or cried?

as mentioned i am going for my new job as account assistance. its already over. i only manage to work for one week. cause they are cutting down on labour cost. i enjoy working there for just one week. my collegues there are all friendly, helpful, caring. i learnt quite a number of new things from them over there. data entry. checking of invoices. filing. account receivable stuff.next time i will be go back to help if they need any temp part time staff. i will never forget the time spent there. thanks pamela sis.

and now i am back to working in GCW again. i admit its really tiring and tedious working over there now. for the sake of money, i got to endure with no choice. i have to see all the fake faces, suffer the scolding and more. recently got some minor problem with two girlsand one exective. everyone who know me and what its going on, will think i am not in any wrong. i guess i wont be repeating over herecause i have been repeating a lot of times. if you bother to know, feel free ask me in msn or approach me. full stop to this incident. i want to hunt for other job which can last me till end of nov. before i return back to school probably in dec.

today mark the day of our one year anniversary if we still together. time flies. how i wish we are still together. but everything is so selfish.we have already been apart for months. though i always show a smile on my face, but i am not feeling happy inside. the feelings i dont know how to describe. i am happy that i am once used to be your love. all the time spent, all the words being said, will always be in my mind no matter how long down the path. i am happy that i am able to meet up with you on this day though initially there is some disappointment. with you by my side, i fear nothing. nevertheless, you are still someone special to me.

happy 1 year anniversary to my ex bf ; ivan. takecare.
i miss o9o9o7.
if time could rewind ..

memories.

2008-08-07T19:14:00.004+08:00

just a simple post over here. i am still kicking alive though i have not updated my post for few weeks. this week have been quite a quiet week. due to the chinese 7th month, thus there is lesser event going on in the hotel. i manage to work ony for two days. pathetic. i am so bored rotting at home. next week will be calvin and me last week being regular staff in gcw. i will not be back often. he will be entering NS in one months time. i will cherish all the days i have. shall update more on this next week.

last friday went to catch movie, ' money not enough 2 ' with friends. afterwhich, headed for singing session with the hotel people. its fun hanging out with them. tuesday went to banquet chalet held at coasta sand sentosa. well, though its a very small chalet just like hut, but still we find things to occupy ourselves from the boredom. afterall, there is always memories left behind.

what is life? what is love? everything is just so complicating. yes i do agree life is precious but on the other hand i could say its fragile as well. for this few months, i heard a lot of fatal accident. though they are not my friends. but upon hearing those news, i felt pity for it. somehow rather i agree that nothing is forever. only death is forever. once its gone, it will be gone forever. we should cherish what we have. be it good or bad. cause those are all memories. we never know what will happen during the next hour. things happen too unpredictable.

i may be here typing happily but i might be gone the next hour. nobody knows. am i true to say, ' people wont realise how a person is important or precious to them until they are gone' ?
to regret it will be too late cause the person wont exit anymore.

all this while, i have always been pretending to make myself look happier. its just so hard. so hurt afterall. you have never ignore me ever since we know each other, even after being apart we still text and keep in contact. until 17/7/o8 till 21/7/o8. this four days you never reply my text. not even once. the last msg i received on 17/7/o8 4:33pm. all these days i have been feeling miserable. what is wrong? to reflect myself, what i have done wrong. why are you ignoring me? i sent out several text to you to apologise if i am wrong. but i dint get any response back until 22/7/o8 12:36am. i knew i am being naive. i still think of you during these four days when you are ignoring me all because i care. i am really disappointed cause i never knew that you will ignore me. you once promise me you will not ignore me despite of what. sigh. i hope this wont happen again. though there is bits of misunderstanding out there due to me thinking too much, everything just end it with a full stop.

i am glad that i am able to throw out all my feelings over here. if one day i would just apart just out of sudden, *touch wood* at least there is still memories of me. and people who are close to me know what i have been going through. thus i woudnt bottle up everything in my brain.

sometimes i hope you are around looking at my blog. cause i dont have the courage to say it out verbally anymore. no matter what you will be someone special to me once before and always.

you will always be a part of me;
but i am part of you indefinitely.
* ivan.

sigh. people cherish thing only when its gone?

2008-07-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

have been down with sick for days. probably i am lack of rest due to overwork and stress over my thing. these two days i am on off so it would be a rest day for me.sunday 13/7 went to work but upon reaching office i went back home after that again. i started to shiver non-stop. and i swear its really so damn uncomfortable. sigh.thanks to huilian sis and kent for taking care after me for the short moment whereby you guys suppose to have your meal break. after cooling down, i took cab back alone to causeway to meet my mother to visit doctor. inititally i thought you would accompany me. cause everyone is busy to accompany me but ended up it a disappointment. sigh. after visiting the doctor, i realise my fever hit above 40 degree. every part of my body feel so weak. argh. and i hate that shallow guy. elaborate in next post.

sigh. who would actually understand the pain i am going through?! everytime it ended up to be a disappointment for me. never will i have the time to be happy once?i bet its just so hard. its seems like everything is getting worst as day passes. my mood can swing at any point of time. i always try to control not to cry. until the very moment, i just cant control. why cant i be given a chance to be cherish? perhaps its too late. and it would never happen again.

and i strongly believe this sentence, ' people only regret and only know how to cherish after they realise how important someone or thing to them is gone '. i have always be there no matter rain or shine. or because i still care. and i knew in return what i got is nothing. you did mention before. you are sorry that you did not treat me the way that i want. yes ofcause i am disappointed. maybe in life what i got is just disappointment. rewind back, its had already been 20 days i have not seen you.the last day we met up was 27 june. after that, all i got was just disappointment. worst than before. last time your words wont be that hurtful. sigh. perhaps i am just an ignoranceto you. i am just nothing! bet this would be a miserable moment i am going through. i am really really really disappointed. SIGH.

happy 10th month my ex bf.

2008-07-09T23:58:00.002+08:00

the story that leave a deep scar,
which will never heal. NEVER will it be.
all this time is going nowhere.
i am facing lots of phobia now.
i will not be the one you all used to know.
pardon me for being emo out of a sudden. i dont know why.

went to work early in the morning. i simply hate squeezing with lots of passenger in train due to peak hour. its so hard to get into the train. thus ended up i was late half an hour. everything move on fine at work just that i am so tired of certain thing. afterwhich, headed to town. shop at mango. bought few tops and bottoms and trim my eyebrown. went for dinner and headed back home. on the way home, i am feeling so tired and sleep and also emotional. been having a lot of question in my mind. sigh. when will i be really happy again? i really dont know. perhaps it wont? let fate decide the path.

today is a special date. every 9th of the month, its our past anniversary which used to be a memorable date for me and you. everything its the past now. 2o2 days being apart. its neither long nor short. all the days are memories despite being apart. there is a lot of ups and downs along the journey. for the first 4 month of the anniversary, i do wish you. happy anniversary to my ex bf. but now i kept it to myself. i dont have the courage to wish anymore. all is phobia. what i wish is i hope you will still remember this date always.
last but not least, you just matters a lot to me.

my hardest goodbye. * navi.

sigh. it wont be the same anymore.

2008-07-07T23:59:00.002+08:00

once again, i am back to the one whom i dont know who i am. hardly can see me smile. i just force myself to smile. its so hard. i could just break down before i turn in these few night. i swear, its really so pain. sigh.
i always hide behind the mask. i know i am not good enough for you. thus you chose to apart. perhaps i am not pretty too. all these flows in my mind. why. its seems i can only blame myself. nothing else.
reminisce the moment of this time during last year, it was the sweet and memorable moment we are going through. everyday you never failed to make me brighten up my day. calling me as your baby. over the phone for hours despite you are tired. delication over the radio forecast daily. i really miss those days. perhaps it will never be back again. all these memories are precious. whenever i think of those times, my tears can just flow. i would chose to end my life uncertainly. i knew its silly to do so. everyone who care for me, you? my dear friends, especially my mother would be in pain if i apart the world.
i dont want to disappoint any of you but at times i really feel so useless. nothing else really that matters anymore. to me you are really important. but is sad to say i got to face reality that it wont be the same anymore. it really hurts.
sometimes i just dont know how to describe my feelings. its just heart breaking.

sigh. i miss you.

i miss ivan.

2008-07-03T23:58:00.003+08:00

the world i knew it wont come back.
the time i lost , its not easy to get back.
the life i had wont be the past us i want again.
neverthesless ; i still want you .

happy moments wont last long. isnt it true?
its so hard to face reality.
once again, i hate myself !

went to work. 11am to 730pm. its just not my day. had been feeling uneasy since yesterday. i dont know what is wrong with me. head feeling giddy. at times feel like vomit. i can feel that my body is getting weaker when my mood is down. lost in appetite. i am just so numb. i can just break down at any point of time. sigh. headed back home after meeting up wei yee with rui wen.

throughout the day, my mind just filled with lots of randomly negative things. why?!
am i really think too much?
once again, i feeling so down and upset.
i wish you could be there and that would already satisfy me.

bringing a smile on my face is not an easy task.
my him* , i do miss you ; sigh.

i love ivan . =\

2008-06-30T23:15:00.002+08:00

aloha. i'm back to updating. anyone miss me? hmm. lack of so many weeks of updating. alright, shall update you guys with my life. sorry this might be a long post. just bear with me and enjoy reading. i appreciate it. to be frank, i have long forgotten what happened in the past few weeks except for some things. so i will just hit and run the things which i could remember vividly.

reason for not updating cause i am busy with work. life seems to be quite hectic now. lack of my beauty sleep. everytime i just feel so reluctant to go work. but for the sake of money, i got to endure. cause this is part of life when we are out of schooling life. got to think for the future too. the environment in the working place changed alot.its worst compared to years back when i just stepped in as a newbie. its very tough and tiring now. but really thanks to all my friends who are there to go through all these times with me. laughter and everything. especially ; rui wen, huilan, regina, corinne, kent, allen, guo lun, weechee, calvin. sorry if never mention the other names. you guys are included as well.

one ironic thing happened few weeks ago was that i fell down from escalator during working time. oh dear! its really pain. the blood just drip continuously. i got to thank alot to my dear ruiwen for taking care of me throughout the day after i fell down. help me to clean the wound and accompany me to clinic and hug on to me to control the pain. thanks to those who care for me, seeing me in pain like dont know what. and i still go to work despite of those days.
and also to the special someone whom i called to after i fell down. with your care i knew i would fear nothing.

time flies. i have graduated for 3 months. and i am actually stepping into working life now. i really miss schooling times. though there are exams and projects which is a headache to everyone. i still have half a year before returning back to further my studies. i hope by then my interest in studying still there cause brain might have been rusty after so many months. for the time being, i dont wish to change job. whereby most people did ask me why dint i find a full time job instead. perhaps i am already used to the environment for so many years and also lazy to adapt to the new environment. thus i will bear for half a year more over here before deciding.

well, no one is perfect and thus isnt it true to say that we are not looking for a mr/mrs right?
we are looking for someone who suit us and get along well. everyone has its own flaws. as we grow a little bit older, we start to give such issues a lot of thoughts, dont we?

reminisce those moment spent with you. you are the one who can always brighten up my days. even till now i still miss you a lot. nevertheless, you are still someone who is important and special to me. i really appreciate you are always there for me. last but not least, i dont have the courage to say directly to you, i love you.
memories are precious. do get well soon.

before i bid goodbye after a long post ;
to all my fellow readers, this is where you read my life. the depth of each entry i dont reveal. but yet, this is also where you get to know more about me. i appreciate it.

my secret garden memories * o9o9o7 =\

update soon

2008-06-17T14:29:00.002+08:00

ALOHA EVERYONE ;
i will update soon.
leave me a tag behind.
takecare.

life goes on.

2008-05-21T09:10:00.002+08:00

aloha. i knew i have neglect my blog for weeks. well. i am still kicking alive despite of the obstacles i going through. i am going to shorten down everything if not it will be an extreme long post ya. rewind back to last few weeks what have i been doing.

firstly about graduation ceremony which held last thurday 15 of may. well. the day mark the offically graduation in my ITE life. i never regret chosing this path. in this two years, i got to learnt some knowledge in accounting as well as get to know lots of friends in the college. its fun studying over here. i miss all the times. it will leave me with lots of memories behind. all the best to all my friends who score well and those who manage to go to poly. best wishes to everyone in your future endeavous. :D

i have been working everyday for the whole of last week. its really tiring. sadden. i miss most of my beauty sleep. everyday we got to face different type of situations. there is happy and frustrated moments. all these are what we going to face in working life. but i am glad to have friends who are there to go through the tough or relaxing moment at work. there will never be a full stop to all the problems encounter. be it internal or external. life have been a rollar coaster in certain part of it. things can happen out of sudden. i guess it wont be the same anymore. the only way is to pretend and let it be. though working life can be quite tough as compared to last time, take things easy and time will pass faster and we will work happier. one thing we must remember is, ' life goes on ' work for the sake of money and also mixing around with our bunch of crazy mates. :D

i guess things have been going on quite fine. though some words can bring me down. but with understanding i knew afterall i am just thinking too much. today is the 5th month we have been seperated. memories will never be forgotten. last but not least ; i miss my past.

some parts in life is worth rewinding over and over again.
there are parts which i would rather delete;
and there are parts which i hope to pause forever.

HAIS.

2008-05-02T07:00:00.002+08:00

i feel i am irritating.
i feel i am annoying.
i feel that i am the bad one.
perhaps i should just end my life one day!

sorry for disturbing you.

sigh.

2008-05-01T14:50:00.002+08:00

its just another day.

i am feeling exhausted after work. not being just exhausted. i am feeling NOT right !
sad. hurt. lost. what else more? sigh. every little things just hurt.
why it cant be like last time? whereby i could be at least cheer up a bit.
i just feel that i am just an annoyance to you. it just give me the feeling. sigh. why?
whenever i talk to you, i just feel that i am just a bad one. i irritated you. sigh. all i did was just pretend nothing.
i dont want it to be like that. could it be better?

its just so different.
afterall, i'm controlling my tears.

mistake

2008-04-30T14:54:00.002+08:00

am i thinking too much or things really changes ?
afterall , i could only SIGH .

ever since that day , i felt something not right .
i knew its my fault for thinking too much .
i am sorry .
i am having fear . i dont have the courage to tell you verbally . thus i am typing it over here .
i dont want it to affect our relationship .
i am sorry . let the past be bygone ba .

i realised i am just too fragile to take it .
sigh .

sigh.

2008-04-28T06:45:00.002+08:00

just a simple post before i heading to work.

who is the girl i see staring straight back at me?
why is my reflection someone i dont know?
its just another side of me ;
when will my reflection show who i am inside?
a big big SIGH .

these few days were tormentating.
many things went through my mind.
i just cant stop myself from thinking of it. yeap i admit i am thinking too much. sigh. i just cant prevent myself not to. there is always things that happen for me to think that much if not i wouldnt be that.

have been working everyday these few days. frankly i am not focusing at times but i still tried my best. its hard for me to put on a jubilant front when i am in such situation. feigning ignorance to everything else and acting nonchalant about all. when deep inside my heart, i am just feeling so hurt and sad. totally smashed. sigh. i am breaking down any time. i tried to control but i failed. perhaps i am just a failure and a bad girl ?

i am sorry for thinking extremely much these few days. sigh. i just dont know who i am. i am just pretending i am happy but i am not. its not easy to. all i need is hoping you will be there for me always. i knew with you around, i fear nothing. i may feel better afterall. you might not know why i am feeling this way now. i just dont know how to voice it out. i am just lost in all directions. sigh. baby ; seriously i am not alright ! will you be there to be my guardian angel to accompany me through this path. i wish for.

i MISS you badly ;

123 days apart.

2008-04-24T09:30:00.002+08:00

for i'm here without you ;
you will always be in my heart .
baby ; i NEED you .

i knew i have neglected my blog for a long time. have been pretty busy these few weeks or i could say ever since i graduated. have been working and working. i get all exhausted at the end of the day. perhaps thats also the choice for me to numb myself. using work to torture myself as well to earn some saving for my future use.

today is my rest day thus i am sitting down infront of the com to update my blog. thanks for those who take your time to click on to my blog at times. do feel free to drop a tag when you entered. i appreciate it.

it had been one month plus since i graduated. some of my friends had already started schooling in poly, some attending private, some working full time, some still cant make any decision. well, all the best to everyone down the path, hope you guys have some ideas and plan ahead for your future. as for me, i still stick on to my part time job which i had been working for nearly three years. time flies. many people have been asking why dont i find a full time job. reason is simple. i dont wish to get tie down at the moment, as i plan to further study later on for my private diploma. though there might be problems and unhappiness at work, well, for the sake of money i still got to endure. however, there is also happy moments too. doing stupid things together with friends, making a fool out of everything. well. i learnt a lot throughout the path in this job. be it good or bad. thus, knowing too much arent good at times.

friendship takes two hands to clap. one cant clap on its own. sometimes making the first move at time can be tiring cause the other parties dont seems to care or bother. actions speak louder than words. there might me downs or misunderstanding at times, nothing is impossible to solve when they are really friends. friends come and go. only true ones will stay. there could be situation, out of sudden, ones can be back to square. stranger? things that will be kept always was, thanks for all the memories and everything. lastly, i thanks for the few who are always there to standby me.

its always hard to open that door when you hestitate upon what you are going for. there always seems to be a river to cross and a mountain to climb and one starts to wonder, how many more dark night lie ahead? afterall i still love you ; baby. i miss our past.

P.S ; slowly think through your plan. dont give up. i will always be behind you to give you support and advice. nothing is impossible. all it need is time.

only you can brighten me up.
indispenable ;
123 days.

SIGH.

2008-04-13T14:45:00.002+08:00

sigh. sometimes i really wish i could just sleep peacefully without waking up.
at this wee hours, i am feeling extremely not in the right condition.
all i need is just you showing your care and concern.

baby ; it just hurts with one sentence.
it had been sometimes since i drop my tears again.
its just so sour. sense of jealousy. sigh.

i wish i could just end my life one day.

GONE-

hmmm.

2008-03-28T14:44:00.002+08:00

have been feeling down these few days. things dont seem to be moving on smoothly? or perhaps i am just thinking too much? i just couldnt express myself.

tuesday went to BBDC with rui wen, michelle and regina to enroll for BTT car liscense. waited for more than three hours before our turn. zzz. afterwhich headed down to town met up with the rest and went to forum for singing. as we reached there around 9pm thus we ended up going home taking cab. its fun having them around except for my scb who couldnt make it as she got work. somehow rather my emotion went up and down in between.

wedesday attend work. its a SHIT one afterall. but still because of money i got to endure. i am lucky that i dont have OT ya. went home at 11pm with xueli and hui lan. on the way home in the train, i suddenly feel like weeping. sigh. but still i control it. what i could say is that i miss him.

lastly, today headed bugis with xueli, chai lee and one of their friend. shopping! it seems i have a long list of items to buy. i gonna save up the money for purchasing all these. i purchased a GUESS wallet today. i love it. simple and easy design. headed back to hotel to collect money but sad to say i forgotten to bring my voucher along. zzz. chatted with friends and went home afterwhich. its tired but its better than staying at home randomly thinking of stuff.

i'm looking forward to tomorrow. (:
your text make me smile today.
three words and eight letter words ;
i love you.

i miss HIM !

2008-03-25T14:30:00.002+08:00

today is my off day thus i am staying at home the whole day. been dreaming ever since i awake in the afternoon. today is monday, should i call it as monday blue? i am feeling down the whole of today. am i thinking too much? i couldnt resist myself. perhaps i am having mood swing. i prefer working though it is tiring, it would keep myself occupy. i would rather tired until dead than emo until negative thoughts came upon my mind. sigh.

managing my emotions is an inside job. nothing would cure me other than that. not mentioning it here. he/you should know. i dislike being alone cause i knew i wont be reacting normal. the feelings is just horrible. if only he could just be text away, i would be fine. teach me how to smile, will you? what exactly i am feeling now? i dont know. its just totally uncomfortable. or perhaps i need some pills please.

to guide me through my path, its not an easy task.
i miss you.

2008-03-23T14:56:00.002+08:00

its never an easy one for me,
life still goes on.
i miss you endlessly.

this would be a random entry as i am not in the right mood now. perhaps due to one word, BORED which causes the outcome. in addition, i am also down with bad cough, sore throat and flu. zzz. its making me utterly uncomfortable. sigh.

yesterday went over to his place after work as today i do not need to attend work. another rest day for me though. perhaps i am used to working almost everyday thus i am not used staying at home just like today. its making me mad. my mood just turn me down afterall. all because i start to reminisce things again. sigh. tomorrow will be better? i doubt so.

sorry for the whine here and there asking you to entertain me when you also feeling bored. forgive me ya? just a simple and short words to you, i miss you. turn in early too. with you being there for me, i know i fear nothing.

as i mentioned this would be a random entry, thus i am ending it here. i will blog more tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. takecare all folks.

afterall, you are still the special one in my heart.

i love you still.

2008-03-19T14:28:00.002+08:00

sorry for the lack of updates. these few weeks had been a really hectic weeks for me. and thus this post will be a long ones. enjoy reading for those who are willing, for those who are not, you can kindly leave. i appreciate for those who are willing to read down the post. exams had finally over and i had already graduated. time passedr eally fast isnt it? i am turning 20s this year. oh dear. i miss my teenage life and definitely my schooling life. schooling life is better than working life afterall. for the moment, i will be working. as usual back to banquet in hotel. i dont intend to search for temp full time job for the moment, as i will be intending to further my studies to get my private diploma and thereafter. life wont be an easy one for me afterall. i got to save up money to cope up with my own living too and also on other expenses as well.

as mentioned exams had already over. result will be out on the 2nd of april and posting to poly on the 7th of april and the start of poly life will be on the 14th of april. hopefully i would pass all my modules and attend the graduation ceremony successfully. for my friends who are going to poly, i hope you guys would get in the course you all have the interest in. all the best to reach for your dreams and goals.

last wednesday mark the day of my graduation. time flies, two years of ITE life had offically came to the end. thinking back the time i entered ITE, i met up with lots of friends. somehow they graduated one year earlier than me. and also i got to make new friends over in SIMEI ITE, especially in QD and QS. well, throughout the two years, i could say the journey is both mixed with ups and downs feelings. be it ups or downs, i got to thanks for all the memories we gone through. sometimes, its still the downs that pull us stronger ya? the memories i have encountered in simei ite will lies in my head. i miss every single moment we spent together. be it disturbing teachers or other people, rude or mischevious, the childish acts in us and everything, its still the memories that worth leaving behind for us. now, it will be another new path of life we going through again, i bless all my friends all the best down the road you guys going through and keep in contact always. everyone will be remembered, (: and not forgetting all the lecturers who had taught us throughout the two years, thanks for the guidance, courage, nagging and tolerating in us. without you all, we wouldnt have today. (: each and every momentwe gone through in simei ite will be a deep memories for us. thus, we will be looking forward for our graduation ceremony. god bless everyone.

working life for me had been a hectic one but i still enjoyed working over there. the fun and laughter i had with all my friends. despite being tired, there is still times we do stupid things together. especially with my scb`xueli. its my pleasure working over there. especially for those who are close with me, thanks for your advice and care all along ya. i apppreciate it a lot.

and i gonna turn in after blogging. i am down with bad flu and headache. tomorrow i am still need to go work. arghs. hopefully i will recover after my beauty sleep later on. diet on the way. i gonna aim for my target. determination!

this month o9o3o8 was our half year together if we never parted. nevertheless i will never forgotten the day. it will always be remembered and i miss the date and you a lot. and also thanks for looking after me last friday. sorry to let you have a hard time ya. oops. not to mention more on that. thats our secret. you will always be indispenable to me. only you gave me the reason to smile. i love you; baby.

i miss IVAN!

2008-03-09T11:00:00.002+08:00

you often meet your destiny on the road you have taken to avoid it.

i knew i am not suppose to be here blogging. while i should be mugging for my coming paper next monday and wednesday. days is coming nearer and nearer. i am getting nervous. one word to describe my mood to exam, STRESS!

just a random post for this ;

i am feeling down at the moment i am blogging now. why? i start to reminisce about the past. sigh. i miss you, my ' baby ` ivan ' . i will never forget you as you are once; part of my life so does now. picture of you reminds me of the days when we are so sweet together but it can never hold me close and kiss away each tear. somehow rather, i hope you are missing me too, will you? sigh. will i know the answer? or i will never know the answer. i love you still.
and WHERE are you? =\

i miss you, ivan.

2008-03-08T18:49:00.001+08:00

you often meet your destiny on the road you have taken to avoid it.

i knew i am not suppose to be here blogging. while i should be mugging for my coming paper next monday and wednesday. days is coming nearer and nearer.i am getting nervous. one word to describe my mood to exam, STRESS!

just a random post for this ;

i am feeling down at the moment i am blogging now. i start to reminisce about the past. sigh. i miss you my ' baby ` ivan ' >.<>

i miss you badly.

what i want?

2008-03-06T15:40:00.002+08:00
pampered me, will you?

getting online in msn for long seems to be once in a blue moon thing for me now. my schedule was really tied up. be it with work or school. the days to my final exam is pretty short. it is less than five days. oh dear. i reconked, i should work triple hard now. as this is the last lap, i shall never give up and get it done with.motivate me anyone to strive on harder ?

so much going on in my head and yet i am unable to verbalise the thoughts and feelings. sometimes i just pretend everything is fine, but why am i lying to myself? it arent make me feel any much better either. sigh. as this is the crucial period now, i should pay my attention more on exam than anything else.but instead, things just rambling around in my head. still i got to face it.

i still remember vividly in my mind. with just a little while on the phone call, i am satisfied. you just make my day. please take care of yourself always. i love you still. i miss 090907. =\

life is NEVER fair. and it will never be. thus there will always be disappointment for me.

i miss you?

2008-03-03T15:45:00.002+08:00
beyond the imperfections ;

i have neglected my blog for three weeks. have been very busy recently. returning back to work and preparation for exams. i am having insufficient rest as well as my beauty sleep nowadays. i am just torturing myself. seriously i dont wish to. sigh.

i could say time really flies. in less than two weeks time i am going to graduate from simei ite soon. what will be my plan ahead?
for the following week, i believe that it will be a hectic one for me. i will be mugging for my upcoming final exam which is on the 10th and 12th of march. how well have i prepared for it? am i confident enough for the papers? seriously my answer is NO. as i have not really settled down and start mugging. it seems a lot of things have been rambling about in my mind. work. exams. personal stuff. hopefully it would be a smooth one ahead? there is lots of revision papers for me to practise on. i gonna do everything, good luck to me, everyone? thus, all the best for all of you who are in the mid of your revision too.

whereas for work, everything is fine. i enjoy the days over there despite of the lack of sleep and being tired and shag on the following days. i have all my friends there and also the ones who are closer to me. you are just precious to me, (: spending with those who are closer to me, make me feel that time pass really fast, can there be no full stop? next week i will not be as regular due to preparation for exams. i do miss everyone.

it had been a long time since i last saw him until last friday. though its just few hours, i appreciate it. you are indispenable though. loves!

i hide behind the mask;
the mark as a shield to look at what;
others can never see.

and there is absolutely nothing wrong in being imperfect. what matter most is your heart, it goes beyond everything.

the feeling of missing someone is terrible. and i miss you so.

sad valentine day.

2008-02-15T15:40:00.002+08:00
in a world without you;
i would always hunger,
all i need is only your love.

i have not been updating for the past few days. in simple, life for me had never been good at all. teachers and friends have been asking me what happened as i looked moody and bottled up with problems. i just smiled and respond, ' life goes on ' . pretending i am fine. sigh. for those friends whom are always with me, will realise i changed a lot ever since mid of dec. well. it seems my health is getting weaker again.

firstly i wish everyone out there, Happy Valentine's Day. for those who are attached, stay happy in love, and those who are single, dont be disheartened, there is still friends around you to share your love with, friendship's day, when the right time is here, your valentine will appear.

and i knew on valentine's day, most people would crack their brains over what do do for their partner or ther love ones. for me, this valentine, i could only treat it as a normal day. i just pretend it to be another day for me. its whom i knew i love, so any other day he will always be my valentine. and i think everyone is celebrating forthe sake of celebrating? no offence to it as thats my point of view. every day we could shower our love and let the one we loved to feel that we really care, we do not have to do these only on valentine day. its just a special day somehow rather. thus to make it simple, if we are happy with the one we love, everyday would be valentine day.

yesterday was suppose to meet up with him for movie. but due to the incident that happened, ended up we didnt meet. i felt disappointed but i understand the situation. i knew you feeling arent better too. i felt sad for you too. hope that you will be fine and get over it soon. i will always be there.

i chose not to go out instead today except to school. sad valentine day to myself. i knew i am just console myself. well, i wish you, ivan, Happy Valentine's Day, loves!

this whole week, i am feeling alone and helpless. each and every step is taken in uncertainty with every quivering thoughts. this feeling of doubts set in, its sad. and i am left to grapple with my own fears. no one can truly understand till they are in the boat. i admit i am not the one i used to be anymore. i love you ; my love.

baby, dont leave me alone.

it just sucks.

2008-02-12T15:50:00.002+08:00
everything i hold on;
is everything i cant let go.

monday blues. its totally a ironic day for me. i am feeling down or sad ever since last night, even the moment i woke up this morning, the same feeling continues. skipped morning lecture and headed for accounting lesson and case study. i dont understand what the new topic is about and i am copying down the answer which is being written on the board. hopefully i could catch up later on.

will i cry myself to sleep? sigh. i wish i could sleep and never wake up again. the things i have been thinking in my mind is just far too much. and i just miss you so much.

nothing can cheer me up today.
i miss all those happy days with you.

I HATE MYSELF.

2008-02-11T15:50:00.007+08:00

its the 4th day of chinese new year. time flies. school will resume tomorrow. i am staying at home today after three days of visiting. marmie got to work and i do not have any program thus stay at home and be a depress girl.

third day of chinese new year went to cousin's place at hougang and headed back to marmie's friend house. gamble and also play with their grandson. watching them grow bigger, make me think of i am hitting 20s this year. time really flies. in few years time, what will i be doing? would i be able to have what i hope for?

and seriously today i am feeling extremely DOWN. i just feel taking a knife and just stab onto myself. the feeling is terrible. who really understand? thanks for those who ask about what happened to me. i appreciate it. i am going to break down at any point of time. but i am just controlling myself not to. cause i know i will be doing silly things when i really break down. i could only think and think and think, thats all. sigh. one day if i have fallen into the stage of depression, i think only those who read my blog will know whats wrong with me. cause i will be typing out all my emotions in blog. bless me.

baby ; i have been waiting for the whole day of your text. i called you several time. i am worried for you, wondering are you ignoring me? am i being annoyed by you? all this silly thoughts just came to my mind. i just couldnt refrain myself from thinking. i just hate myself. until the clock nearly strike twelve, i received your text. i could say i am relieved. after hearing from you why i never received any text or having respond to your call, i understood. but its still SIGH.

i am not feeling ALRIGHT ! what's wrong with me? i HATE HATE myself !

yesterday was the 9th of feb. why would i be mentioning about this date? well. it's a special and memorable day for me to remember. never will i ever forget this date.and i am glad you still remember it's our past anni date. it's not the same now. i really miss it. 090907. you are always the one who understand me. embrace my fragility. nothing can pull me down other than this.

baby, promise me that we will always be the close ones though we already parted for 52 days till today. and i love you still, happy 5th month my ex baby. memories will be deeply buried forever, and i swear.

the pain is just too deep.
my beloved 090907.

I HATE MYSELF.

2008-02-11T15:50:00.006+08:00
its the 4th day of chinese new year. time flies. school will resume tomorrow. i am staying at home today after three days of visiting. marmie got to work and i do not have any program thus stay at home and be a depress girl.

third day of chinese new year went to cousin's place at hougang and headed back to marmie's friend house. gamble and also play with their grandson. watching them grow bigger, make me think of i am hitting 20s this year. time really flies. in few years time, what will i be doing? would i be able to have what i hope for?

and seriously today i am feeling extremely DOWN. i just feel taking a knife and just stab onto myself. the feeling is terrible. who really understand? thanks for those who ask about what happened to me. i appreciate it. i am going to break down at any point of time. but i am just controlling myself not to. cause i know i will be doing silly things when i really break down. i could only think and think and think, thats all. sigh. one day if i have fallen into the stage of depression, i think only those who are close with me will know what's wrong with me. bless me.

baby; i have been waiting for the whole day of your text. i called you several time. i am worried for you, wondering are you ignoring me? am i being annoyed by you? all this silly thoughts just came to my mind. i just couldnt refrain myself from thinking. i just hate myself. until the clock nearly strike twelve, i received your text. i could say i am relieved. after hearing from you why i never received any text or having respond to your call earlier on, i understood. but its still SIGH.

i am not feeling ALRIGHT ! what's wrong with me? i HATE myself !

yesterday was the 9th of feb. why would i be mentioning about this date? well. it's a special and memorable day for me to remember. never will i ever forget this date. and i am glad you still remember it's our past anni date. it's not the same now. i really miss it. 090907; . you are always the one who understand me. embrace my fragility. nothing can pull me down other than this.

baby, promise me that we will always be the close ones though we already parted for 52 days till today. happy 5th month my ex baby. memories will be deeply buried forever, and i swear.

the pain is just too deep.
my beloved 090907.
i miss it lots.

cry.

2008-02-11T15:50:00.005+08:00
I AM NOT FEELING GOOD !
I AM FEELING EXTREMELY SAD NOW.
NO ONE KNOWS.

where are you?

happy chinese new year.

2008-02-09T15:45:00.002+08:00
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

it's new year time and seriously speaking i do not have the mood to celebrate it at all. well, the feeling just cant be describe and i am just bored ended up with no excitement at all. or perhaps at times i am just trying to join in the atmosphere?

first day of new year went over to uncle house. it's always the same every year. all relatives and cousin will gather together as grandmother is staying with uncle. as usual we would have steamboat every year and followed by gambling session with cousins and uncle, aunt. there arent any special. catching up with each other life and my relatives said i changed a lot within one year, i slimed down more. well, next year will be better? i am not happy with my target yet. i can do it ! and ya though i lose in majong session as i just learnt but i still win back in blackjack, thus no lose no win.

second day of new year went for visiting again. went to clementi and batok relatives house. it's a boring day again. the heels is causing my leg to have blisters. arghs its so pain. went over to his place afterwhich. yeap.

thanks to all my relatives and cousin who gave me the red packet. and also not forgetting his marmie for the red packet too. (: and also my marmie for the largest amount. i have not counted all the money as i am lazy. perhaps i should count it when chinese new year end.

i dont intend to include any of my emotion in this post. in short, i am not feeling good.

its not easy to be me afterall.
i just hide my feelings.
sigh.

SIGH. happy Chinese New Year.

2008-02-07T15:59:00.002+08:00
pardon me for not updating few days. firstly, i gonna wish everyone in advance;
Happy Chinese New Year. Best Wishes and May All Your Dreams Fullfilled.
hope everyone has a good days throughout the fifteen days of Chinese New Year.

i am really tired but i cant sleep thus i am here sitting infront of the computer to blog. i cried at this very moment. sigh. Chinese New Year should be a happy one isnt it? why am i shedding my tears instead.

baby, i miss you.

random post for last few days routine. got back my accounting results, i passed but not with flying colour, well effort do pay off. and i reckoned i have bought everything for chinese new year. had my hair dyed. manicure and pedicure. doll up myself just simple itself. went school only for monday this week as tuesday i am not at home.

tomorrow will be meeting up with relatives as thats what i do during the first day of Chinese New Year. adults like to ask same question every year again and again.
got boyfriend? how is studies so far? when graduate? still working? comments on grow prettier or ugly? BORING.
hope tomorow would be a good day.

pardon me for just a simple post as i am totally not in the mood to blog. just a random post.

the negative thoughts in me will never be gone from the clouds that withold them. instead, it will just merged with the clouds and fall as rain. strong sad emotion can come like waves to take you high and then drop me down into despair.

i need a shoulder. and i know i cant denied in my heart i just want his shoulder. kill me please!would i fall into depression one day? no one knows. thing can happen out of sudden. so does it.

and i love you, ivan.

BYE.

depressed.

2008-01-30T15:30:00.002+08:00
it was pretty a short day today. having audit case study for two hours 12pm to 2pm and class ended. had a few of admin stuff to be done. mostly on graduation stuff. at the blink of an eyes, it left with less than two months, we will be graduating. headed back to causeway point with huijuan and michelle. went to shop for clothes. and there, i bought one dress and one accessories from MILA. the dress which i liked it finally its mine now. i will be wearing it for the first day of chinese new year though its black. i have no objections to it neither do my mother. she knows i love black. headed back home around seven plus.

i just hate coming back home as i had to see the farker in my house. he just make my mood changed. full stop. and once again, he had been repeating the same things over and over again for nearly ten times. seriously i have enough. dont push me to the limit that i will have to do thing which i dont wish to.

i am feeling extremely not right now. negative thoughts flow back to me. how i wish i could just sleep and never wake up the next day. its silly but that would be better for me. i reckoned. i am now lost in the ocean of questions why. would you be there for me? i miss you.

DEPRESSED.

every moment spent is precious.

2008-01-29T15:50:00.002+08:00
every moment spent is precious.

accounting paper had over and i am relief now. though the paper is a bit tough but overall its still manageable, i reckoned. woke up at 745am by a morning call from my special one. thanks! lucky i am punctual for the paper though mostly i am often late for the first period. school dismissed at 3 plus today as audit lesson was cancelled due to the few number of people reported. well, everyday was not in the mood to study after the accounting paper. i am feeling very tired. thus, i shall turn in early tonight.

okay, today something that pissed me off is my house that farker. anyone who know me well will know whom i am refering to. pardon me with certain words which are vulgar. i am pretty sure what i am doing is right or wrong. and i simply just hate him and never will i forgive him. i am good enough to respond back whenever he talk to me. most of the time i will treat it as he is invisible as i never look at his face before cause it just pissed me off. i am used to it as it had been like that for around 10 years.no one know exactly the reason why i hate him so much until i would never ever forgive him though he is someone related to me with the same surname.

the only person who know exactly the reason only to my dearest him. as he is only the one whom i can fully trust and can understand my feelings and reason why i will never forgive him. i just hate him. he is simply annoying, full stop!

even a smallest action can have the biggest impact in my life.
day after day, time passed away,
and i just cant get you off my mind CAUSE you are my special one.
i love you BABY.

all i want in my life is, you*

memorable day. happy 20th birthday. i love you.

2008-01-28T15:58:00.002+08:00
before i start this post,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST BABY IVAN*
best wishes throughout in your endeavours.

pardon me for not updating number of days. been busy with preparations for next monday accounting paper and other stuff. health was bad. recovered from food poisoning but not cough. seems i had been coughing for more than a month. i am dying soon. hur. nafa is over. though i failed, but i still tried my best. one week more to chinese new year. i believe most people are happy as they could receive red packets, new clothes and stuff. to me, its pretty normal and common to me. every year the same. there arent anything special. just that we are able to catch up with relatives and grandparent. saying of these, i still not yet bought complete my stuff such as one more dress and heels. i will be getting everything by next week? i reckoned. after tomorrow accounting paper, i will free to shop. good luck to people take accounting paper tomorrow.

yesterday night was a memorable one. celebrated birthday for my special someone. i am glad that eventually everything turn out to be surprise and smooth one ahead. though yesterday there are lies here and there, i knew you understand that all the lies suppose to be a surprise for you instead. with my effort and planning, i hope you enjoy and had a memorable and special birthday celebration and the small present from me. thanks for giving me the chance to celebrate your big day with you. hereby, i wish you once again, happy sweet birthday, best wishes. birthday boy.

dear ivan, with you by my side, i fear nothing. only you can make me smile without a fake one. i just want to let you know, i miss you. never will i ever forget the times that we had. so do you? every moment spent, is precious to me.

dead sick!

2008-01-22T15:50:00.002+08:00
today is totally a bad day ! i am feeling so sick half way during accounting lesson time. i started to vomit non-stop. run to the toilet a lot of times. vomitted out all the food in my stomach which i taken this morning. nasi lemak. worst to worst, there isnt anything left in my stomach and i vomittted out the sour stuff. could it be acid? i dont know. at the moment, i am feeling extremely terrible. my face turned pale, giddy, feeling cold in both leg and hand. arghs. it just feel that i am going to faint any moment. thus my body is so weak now. sigh. hopefully i will be fine tomorrow.

the worst thing is tomorrow there is nafa. could i still be fit to take it? i really dont know now. even though i got MC, i dont want to join other people whom i dont know next time round for the retake.

i got to thanks chongling, huijuan, michelle for accompany me running to toilet and taking care of me, sending me back till door step. i am lucky to have you girls around.if not i think i will ended up in hospital? due to my condition just now in the afternoon. arghs. and also to few classmates in QS for the concern. and also to those who care. i will be fine soon.

went to doctor in the evening and i was down with food poisoning thats why will cause me to vomit and diarrhoea. i gonna turn in aftermatch after taking my medicine. i need sufficient rest and my beauty sleep.

with the concern from you, i knew i will be fine.
i simply miss you so much, my baby, ivan*

one month separate. sigh.

2008-01-21T15:58:00.002+08:00
the sadness feeling of my heart;
a darkness of pain;
the sorrow of loss.

i am still down with sick. cough, flu and cold. when will all this stop? its killing me. it make me feel weaker and weaker. nafa is this coming tuesday, am i able to join in? hopefully i will feel better. god bless.

pardon me for now updated few days. busy with some stuff and been doing some revision here and there for the upcoming accounting CAs next week. there isnt much time left for me to mug on with revision. as the upcoming week will be a busy week for me. thus i shall make good use of the time i have to concentrate on. good luck to all doing your revision. as mention upcoming week will be a busy ones for me. nafa on tuesday, mugging on revision, buying stuff, shop for cny stuff, facial appointment. oh dear. i shall control the amount spend on everything as i am not working currently.

most importantly, i am looking forward for the coming weekend. loves!

i am glad i see you today. though its just a short hours, i do felt glad. every moment spend will always be a precious memories to me. i hope its the same to you too? though of waiting so long, ( only you and me know what it is ). i will try not to be stupid next time round ya. you pig.

today is exactly one month you have left me. one month ago, this day, i was hugging you and crying non-stop for hours. the pain is simply just too deep. seriously at the moment, i just dont know what to do, i am totally break down. and i knew this feeling will always be there. today, i am glad we still can spend time together. and the time will always be just so precious as long as you are beside me. hope that you will be feeling the same ways as me. thanks. i cant deny i dont love you. my one and only baby*

at times i question myself, who will really understand me? other than you. sometimes i just keep quiet, i am feeling totally different. my imagination just run wild. at this time when i am typing this post, i admit my feeling is down. iszit due to i am feeling tired or other thing? i really dont know. tears just drip down unknowingly. i wish i could hug you and lending me a shoulder to lean on. and i knew you will always be there to show your concern and everything. thanks. i miss you!

dont judge me from the outside, i am not happy or strong as all of you expected.
i am just not.

an innocent smile than a walk in the night.

SIGH.

sigh.

2008-01-18T15:50:00.002+08:00
as the time turns the page,
my love for you wont age at all.
i will always be there.

this post is gonna be a random one. cause i am feeling pretty shag and moody now. i dont know why either. sigh.

bascially there isnt much thing to post. went to school as usual for accounting and audit lesson. ms tan has been worrying about us and i can see she istrying her best to make sure everyone of us understand the flow of the question. and yes, she is a patience and nice teacher. the paper is in two weeks time. thus we are doing revision papers everyday. with all the revision paper question and practises, i hope i am able to clarify all doubts. afterwhich headed to tamp for our meal and headed home.

if anyone thinks i am fine, it just aint true. smile with hidden question marks. in this world, there is no place i rather be. you are my life, my soul, my boy. and through it all i know, that you have come to see that you are the one i love. its had been a few days i fight back my tears. however, it doesnt mean the inner part dont. i love you baby*

i MISS you badly.

2008-01-17T15:50:00.002+08:00
the vision of what used to be,
the laughter, the sorrow,
always remind me of you.
baby* i miss you can.

things move on smoothly this few days. except some things that pissed me off. i will just delete everything cause i am used to it. well. attend school and shop for clothes and do some window shopping this few days. might be spending quite a lot this month. well. money can earn back with hard work contributed later on. no worries.

section head came in for spot check yesterday. we were unlucky to end up being said by her on our attire and school stuff. somehow rather i knew she is worried and concern for us in our studies. as we will be graduating in less than three month time. there is a lot more for us to catch up in between the time we left with. in addition, i was being caught for wearing slippers to school. warning received from her was to conficate our slippers and would let us to walk bare footed next time round.oh well, i will still be wearing slippers though. i will only wear shoe occasionally.

the ironic thing is i am down with flu. cough and STOMACH CRAMP. arghs. three things just attack me in one shot. its making me feel so terrible. pray that i will fully recover before chinese new year approach.

hmm. i have decided to go back to my dieting period again! i will rather use the money to buy things than to eat ya. good luck to myself !

i am going to turn in for my beauty sleep. i am feeling so shag and sleepy.

you are my destination love.
nothing else is important other you.

things move on well.

2008-01-14T15:50:00.002+08:00
i may look strong but i am not.
it doesnt mean there is nothing wrong.
i hide to cry,
because my weakness,
brings me tears.

school has started for one week. things goes on smoothly. busy with some admin stuff and catching up with coming CAs and also teacher complaining about attire. in two weeks time will be another CAs coming up. i am still not prepared with it. hopefully in two weeks time, i could catch up. scool was flooded with new intake. reflecting back when i just step in the college, now i am going to graduate soon. time really flies. i never regret entering ITE. its where i get to know new friends and also gain some knowledge.

went out to bugis with chongling to shop. it had been a long time since i went shopping. manage to buy two top which i love it. now gonna hunt for bottom and other accessories. though chinese new year is just two weeks away only. in the meantime, i shall also catch up with revision and also my health. as i am down with cough and flu this few days. the flam just cant get rid beneath my throat. arghs. i need pampered from YOU !

napha is coming in one week time. oh dear. it had been a long time since i am in my p.e attire and alsoattend s&w lesson. hopefully i am able to graduate without the attendance.

nothing seems to be alright, since the day you gone. there is just one heart, when there once was two. nobody can replace you in my heart. you are always my stupid pig!

smiles with millon hidden tears.

2008-01-10T15:58:00.002+08:00
reached home quite late due to the same routine every wed with friends they all. i am feeling unwell. stomachache. cough. cold. all attack me at one time. perhaps i need more rest. i am not on medication cause i never been to any doctor. my body is getting weaker. taken panadol and rub oil on stomach but it heal a while and back again. arghs. i shall turn in after blogging.

today is a very special day if we are not separated. it will be our four months together. but its sad and hurt to say. though today is the 19 days you have apart. when the clock strive 12am. i asked you if you do remember the date. i am glad you still remember. this date will always be in my mind.

we gone through a lot, to leave it all behind now. the 102 days have are gone, our time is through, still i burn on and on, all my life, only for you. deep inside my heart you will leave me never. and torn it apart, i will never forget you. you put my soul at ease when trouble pile up. happy four months my ex baby. i love you, my only ivan*

i miss you and our secret garden*
it will never be replaced*

tml will be a sad day.

2008-01-09T15:58:00.002+08:00
school has started two days. i am feeling sleepy and tired. perhaps due to not enough hours of sleep and insonmia in the middle of the sleep. afterall, still got to catch up with works. CAs is coming in three weeks time. thats fast. gonna be stress? i feeling nothing now but just saddness. moreover my cough is getting worst. causing me to have difficulties in breathing. oh dear.

once again, i turn extreme moody now upon blogging. i just reach home from school and accompany friends to salon and trimming my eyebrown. when i am keeping quiet at certain moments, i cant resist myself from thinking a lot of things. i just couldnt. somehow i wish i can just 'disappear' peacefully. i used to be a strong girl in the past but not now. i have a shattered and weak heart now. i just failed to be strong. there will be lesser smile in my face. i apologised. those who know the tough path i am going through, will realise. the scar which only i can see myself. cause it is being concealed. it just hurts baby.

i do cherish you. without you, i never knew how days may lead for me. there is so much things i want to say but i am afraid. tomorrow will be a special day if we did not separate. baby* do you still remember the date? i knew you could only see this during friday. i hope to receive a reply from you when you seen this. it will always be a date i will be deeply buried in my heart. i will never forgotten this date as long as i am alive. i love you.

without a doubt,
i said it once again,
i love you, ivan*

school reopen.

2008-01-07T15:45:00.002+08:00
tomorrow will be the start of new term again. this would be the last term. therefore, i gonna strive what i could for this three months. in three more months time, i will be graduating. time flies. its gonna be memories that i wont forget.

went out to cwp to get my stuff and also check on some pricing of some stuff. and also have some chat. as chinese new year is approaching, i think is time i should start hunting for new clothes and other accessories. due to not working much during the three weeks of holidays, i dont earn much. thus i should spend on stuff carefully.

i am down with cough for nearly half month without recovering any better. sometimes it may be down with breathing difficulties. hope it wont get worst. bless me.

i'm contented i could have a chat over with you last night. i knew it would not be a everyday basic anymore. i do miss the time we used to. the 'daily routine' which you used to call as will always be there in my mind. i wish it could become reality again. but could i? sigh.

just to tell you i miss you alot.
you are the only one who can keep my heart skip a beat.

16 days.

i miss you.

2008-01-05T15:50:00.002+08:00
as i stared upon anything,
memories flashing back at all times,
as i was trying to sleep,
memories still flash back in my dreams,
i couldnt control it,
thus tears flowing down my cheeks.

will you feel sad upon flashing back the memories we used to have?

baby* ivan* nothing can ever replace your great love,
you will always be rooted deep in my heart,
fate will shows everything,
one day down the road,
i hope you would return.

i couldnt bring back my smile.
i lost my smile. i lost everything.
when would be the day i will stand up again?
i really dont know. i have no answer to it.
whatever in my mind, is just you.
is not the matter of letting it go,
is the matter how important you are to me.

separation is always the painful and toughest thing.
nothing else will pull me down.
perhaps i am just now good enough.

you will always be my love.
o9o9o7 ' baby you are my destiny ' unforgettable*

i cant stop it but to.

2008-01-04T12:50:00.002+08:00
i am just feeling just so deeply hurt.
everyone has its own flaws.
why the thoughts of that just come to your mind.
i just dont understand.

things happen out of sudden.
its really so sudden until i couldnt face it at all.
and i seriously SWEAR,
i am not the girl you all used to know anymore.
i am not saying all this to let anyone sympathy me.
i dont need any sympathy. as i know those who care will just standby me by my side. thanks to those who are always there.

i am just nobody! not the girl who used to be strong who stand up in any obstacles.
i just changed into another one.
i miss him terribly. i cant denied that.
though i think i am already nobody to anyone.
i know i disappoint a lot of people who are there to encourage me and by my side not letting me alone.

i am dripping non-stop upon blogging this post. a short sentence just hurt me. i dont want ! yes i understand. nobody understand how i am feeling right now. except you. i dint expect much but just the promise you made to me.
whether how hurt or how deep i suffer, all is just by myself. i can suffer it.
SIGH. baby* can i just lend your shoulder as a friend once again to lean on?

i am sorry for all the negative act out of sudden.
i will be fine.

no matter what, promise me you wont ignore me or anything.
nothing else matters whether i am dead or alive.

13 days gone.
another me.
the scar .

alone.

2008-01-03T15:58:00.002+08:00
when i am down and all alone,
when nothing seems to matter,
i am lost.
i cant seems to reach for solid ground.
i think of you every sight.

i may bring a smile at times. but those who know me well, you guys might see me i am reacting so weird. i could just break down out of sudden. i may just keep quiet. my mood just swing. seriously, i do not know what is wrong with me. i just dont feel being myself. at point of times, i just hate myself so much. until i could think of suscide. it is a silly and stubborn decision, yes i knew. but i couldnt resist myself from it. i NEED you.

added on. i think last thurday i have made a biggest mistakes in GIANT. it will never be the same anymore? SIGH.

i hate my life. i hate myself. nothing seems to be alright. i think i am better off ALONE.

LOST.-

2oo8.

2008-01-02T15:50:00.002+08:00
it is 2oo8 ! time flies. it is the beginning of the year once again at the blink of an eyes.
hereby i wish everyone happy new year 2oo8. best wishes to all in your future endeavours.

thinking back the days and moments in 2oo7.
2oo7 have really been a fast going year.
it didnt feel like a year passed. many things happpened throughout the year.
be it happy or sad ones. the special moments to be rememebered.
and ofcause my secret garden with baby* sigh.
i do cherish you. it gave me a deep and unforgettable memories.

so my resolution for 2oo8. let hope everything move on smoothly. though things can happen unknowingly. i will be graduating this year. time flies. hopefully i have a good plan ahead.
in life there is always ups and downs we got to face.
hope you could bring my smile back once again.
you are always the special someone in my heart.
bless everyone would embrace the new 2oo8 with a postive outlook.

last night spent my day at pasir ris park celebrating long's birthday. happy birthday to you. though it was a simple one, i doubt most of us did enjoy. after which headed down to downtown. some of us were drinking and also chatting. the weather is so perfectly fine. windy and cooling. looking upon the sky, stars caught my attention. how i wish beside me was the one who is important to me accompany me to watch. it would be very sweet. as usual i drink and turn out to be tipsy hours later. sigh. i got to thanks i have those group of caring friends there. sorry to trouble you all. though it is a simple night, there is still memorable moments. after which headed down to find him. having you by my side, i seems less troubled.

in this post i should not reveal my feeling. it is the new year ahead. and it should be a brand new year with everything. but seriously for me. i swear it is nothing to me though it is a new year. i just lost someone whom is important to me.
lastly, sad new year 2oo8 to me.
i will always be leading the saddest life.

sigh.

sigh.

2007-12-28T15:30:00.002+08:00
7 days that you had been apart from me.
seriously i admit i am still totally breaking now.
who know exactly how i am feeling? sigh.
will you know how i am feeling inside? it hurts. baby*

all negative thoughts flow upon me.
i have the urge of carving your initial on my wrist.
to tell myself that the pain,
represent how much i love you.
the wound, represent the scar that has been inflicted.
and the blood represent you has gone.

at times, i am trying to be strong. but i just couldnt.
i still break down in a short while.
am i fallen into the depression stage?
i really dont know. my tears would just fall anytime.
i give up on myself.
i lost my courage of being strong.
i lost my smile.
it seems i simply lost everything.
i am totally break down!
i need you so much by my side, do you know?

you become part of my life.
love is blind and my heart was blinded by you.
i have been addicted to you.
will i make your last again?

thanks to those who are worried for me.
who are always there to show your concern.
i appreciate it.
i am sorry to let you all down.
i just couldnt resist myself from being alright.
i tried but i still fail.
i am just totally break down!!

tears wash my face everynight.

sad christmas.

2007-12-26T15:50:00.002+08:00
santa claus is coming to town..
here by i wish everyone who is reading my blog,
merry christmas.

merry christmas to all BUT sad christmas to myself.
because of the ending, all my mood is gone.
i lost someone so precious to me. sigh.

spent my christmas eve last night at hougang point coffee shop with our usual group except kenneth who is still on holiday. initially have the thoughts of heading orchard. though it was really crowded every year. but everything ended so plan changes. saddend.well. drink with huijuan, michelle and edric. could say i drank the most afterall. sigh. i gonna thanks this group of friends who are always there and really concern about me. i really appreciate it. sorry to let you guys worried yesterday.

i sacrify all for you cause you are someone special to me.
i admit baby* you are the first guy i do so much for.
willing to give everything to you.
waited for you for 5 hours alone just to see you.
all because you are just someone special.
is hard to find someone with lots of common to be together.
i hope you are touched in the status of friend.
and i promise that you will always be the special someone in my heart,
no matter how many years down the road.
love is complicating. sacrify for the one i love is worth for me to do do.

this is my first time i am totally so break down.
my love for you is simply just too deep.
the scar will always be behind.
i cant denied that my tears will never drop.
i will still be fine on the surface. life goes on.

step into the world with her feeling inside.
i lost my smile.

6 days you have leave me.

sad.

2007-12-24T13:08:00.002+08:00
my confession for you ;

as the day our hearts be locked as one, it make me lead a new life all over again. writing down my thoughts about you is the only thing i can do. baby ; i promise you my love for you will never end and you will always be a part of me as long as the time keep on passing by. i’m selfish and greedy all because i love you and i want to be the last girl for you and walk down the aisle together despite of obstacles. i’m willing to change for you though no one is perfect all because you’re someone special to me. the story will never stop as long as our love keep on growing. all alphabet and word means a lot a lot to you and me. thanks baby for giving me the confidence and courage to stand up again. i will never leave you alone cause i love you simply so much, muacks!

the above message is our confession.
the promise we made. will never be change.
would you let me be a part of you?
sigh.

baby* ivan; you are the one who gave me the courage and confidence to stand up,
you change me into another person.
i am willing to give up everything to you,
as to me you are worth it for me to do so.
all because you are just someone special and important.
thus i will never be fine without you.
i will never leave you alone but now i am being alone.

life goes on but i will be leading it with a weak and fragile heart.
my heart already given to you, i hope you will still keep it as someone special.

the bond between us,
story between us,
all the things we been through,
cant it continue? sigh.
those will always be deeply buried in my heart.
i cant stop my tears from flowing.
i wish you are just a distance away for me to lean on.
all i want is just you.

i totally lost my smile.
i simply hate myself
i have no answer to it. sigh.

you are my one and only precious.

GONE-

sigh.

2007-12-23T12:40:00.002+08:00
when i am alone,
i cant see the way to go.
i am totally lost in mind and direction.
lost in the rain of my own tears.
i just think of you,
to wash away the tears and pain.

our story ended and life goes on,
but the pain will not heal,
it goes on same as life.
why cant our story move on just like life goes on?

we know each other well. we understand each other well.
we have a lot of stuff in common. it really so unbearable to me.
you are really a special someone in my eyes.
no one will replaced you in my heart.
you are just like the path of my life guiding me through.

christmas is approaching in few more days.
my wish for christmas is just only you.
but now it has gone.
now i want is having you by my side always thats all i hope for.

baby* wont you tell me why,
there is sadness in your eyes.
i dont wanna say goodbye to you, ivan*

every drop of my tears represent how precious you are to me.
you are always my baby in my shattered heart*

today is saturday. most of the saturday i will be able to have him by my side.
today i am all alone. sigh.

102 days of love is deeply memorable.
two days you have gone. sigh.

without you i am not myself anymore.
i miss you and o9o9o7*
i hate myself.

GONE- cry myself *

i dont want it to end.

2007-12-22T13:21:00.002+08:00
our story had ended. 090907 - 201207 *SOB*
my heart feel deeply hurt.
sigh. i cant accept it totally.
everything really happen out too sudden.
baby, why cant you give yourself a chance to think through?
perhaps you are confused with your feeling right now?
you need time to sort out what exactly you want.
is there really no way at all to salvage the relationship?
i really dont wish it to end. why cant we go through any obstacle together?
everything there is a reason behind. why you make this decision? sigh.

you are the one who guide me through the darkness.
the one who always never fail to make my day with a smile.
those days we gone through, the memories now that left behind,
is really so dear to me. you are someone special and important to me.
the one whom i can trust on. comfortable talking to. and other thing.
my love for you will never change and never will i forget you.
as being said you are part of my life, i still love you so much.

you promise me those things i am glad.
i hope this will always be the promise between both of us.
i hate myself now. i dont wish to see you feel guilty.
do you still love me? are the feeling still remaining the same?
though you have the decision of being single.
sigh. baby. how i wish you could lend me your shoulder now again.
at least i know we are still as close and you do concern about me.

i hate myself.
i just want you to be here for me now.
my tears only drop for you cause i love you.

GONE-

what are friends?

2007-12-19T15:47:00.002+08:00
i'm getting deeper into you.
cause you got to me.
in a way that words cant describe.
always i'm getting deeper into you.
cause i have got to be,
you are essential to survive.
so baby i will love you with all my life.
we will go through thick and thin together ya? :D

i am looking forward to christmas season this year as this is the first time i am spending with my love ones. what do i want for christmas? all i want is you for christmas. :D
in addition, new perfume? more tops and bottoms? slim down some more !
to grow prettier? grins* building bonds with friends whom worth for me to be with. last but not least, our everlasting love with baby x)
SANTA CLAUS grant my wish come true. :D

as mentioned yesterday i am feeling so uneasy but today i am feeling better already. i have been rotting at home for this two days. think i am going able to go back to work only next week. i want earn money and also save it up for upcoming programmes. =)

had chatted over with one of my friends whom we used to know each other since sec school. every words she had said, it simply make me think that all words are against me. precisely my only choice is to blame myself to it. she added no one is saying i am at fault. well. how many people will be honest to say out the truth? i reckoned that isnt much. is the effort and thoughts you mentioned. ya i agree. but where is the actions? despite of rejections at times, i had my reasons. this is part of understanding either. i am just speechless to the issue. in short, seems everything said are all against me.

a true friendship is someone who knows there is something wrong even when you have the biggest smile on your face. in sustaining a friendship, there is a need to keep your bond strong by staying in touch even if it is just only a quick text or call to let her know you never forget about her being your friend. otherwise whether through lack of time and complacency, months and time passes and it will eventually feel too weird to talk. i truly agree to what i have been thinking. friendship is a two way thing. it takes two hand to clap.

baby you are part of my life. :D

who am i? i dont know.

2007-12-18T15:58:00.002+08:00
perhaps today is not my day.
i am feeling so uneasy here and there despite of what i do.
arghs!
what is wrong with me?
nobody knows. neither nor myself.
hopefully tml will be a fine day ahead.

my baby is busy challenging psp with his friends.
I MISS MY BABY SO MUCH~ !
aww~

baby i love you!

2007-12-11T15:55:00.002+08:00
to hold you in my arms;
to promise you my love;
to tell you from the heart;
you're all I'm thinking of.
and all my love, i'm holding on forever. x)

thanks baby for bring me to the place to celebrate my belated birthday.
which is... K-BOX. :D
i am not disappointed but indeed i am happy spending the times with you.
and i enjoyed spending my days over at your place.
though there is rare chance i am able to stay over night, i do cherish it.

last but not least, happy 3 months baby!
hope you like the key chains from me.
i am looking forward for everything.
aww. i simply love you super duper much.

o9.o9.o7 - you make me feel so love. :D

memorable birthday celebration :D

2007-12-07T15:50:00.002+08:00
this post will be long and also a memorable and unforgettable post for my offically nineteen years old celebration programs. :D

once again. i have turn another year older. i am offically nineteen on the 5/12/2007. x)

just a simple quotes before i continue with the following post ;

my dearest marmie. you are the most important person i got to thanks this day. without you i wont be here. in these 19 years path of life, you went through a lot. be it happy or tough in life, you gave me the comfort, care and everything bringing me up each day. i am sorry to let you down at certain point of times when i am being mischevious or disobedient and due to bad results achieved in my primary and seconday school days. there will be times that i lied but eventually i still feel guitly. :P though you might scold me, all i know is you care and concern for me too. as no one is perfect, i will try my best to be a good girl. =) i do not need any present or things from you because each and every day ahead, you have done a lot for me.thanks for the mian xian and eggs you cooked for me. even it is just a little thoughts, it counts. i love you! :D

when the clock strike 12am, its my NINETEEN SWEET BIRTHDAY. :D
hereby i am here to give a big THANK to all my fellow friends who wishes me and to those whom we have lost contact or less contact and yet still remember my birthday. i really appreciate each and everyone of you. with loves! x)

all the days turned out to be beautiful and ofcause it was an enjoyable and touching ones. all the credits goes to all my fellow friends who put in a lot of effort to it and make a memorable one for me. i simply love you guys!

on monday, i received my first birthday present from kelvin, bengwei and jason. they had given me one necklace which is the letter J. J for jiahui. :D despite of less communication lately, you guys still remember and gave me a present. thanks alot, i like the present.

on tuesday, i celebrated with my classmates at ajisen. we had our lunch over there. and ofcause i felt embarrassed in the end. few of them disappeared for a moment.they went to buy one mango cake for me! they knew my favourite fruit is mango. haha. upon walking back, they started singing birthday song and along with the cake.oh dear. they sang so loudly until i am so shy. =x followed by photo taking session with each and everyone of them. i love the photos being taken. :D hereby i got to thanks huijuan. michelle. chongling. huiting. jasmine and mei yi for the celebrations.

on wednesday which was my offical BIG day. firstly, HAPPY SWEET 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME. today was really a memorable and unforgettable day for me.as usual went to school for lesson and i am having my accounting CAs today. good luck to me though the paper seems tough to me. at the beginning of the day, i am not feeling well for a moment. my mood seems to be unstable but afterwhich it turns better. :D received present from chai lee, violet, shimin, xueli, kimleng and kangling. thanks you all for the big present. :D after school, headed down tampines mall to shop. we got to wait until 6pm for the guys to come.

upon arrival of everyone and the important person. lol. they celebrated for me at fish and co. it was nice having a celebration over there ya. the staff would say their rap and also sang birthday song together with the rest for the people in the restaurant and ofcause my dear friends. at the moment i am really touched and also embarrassed with the whole scene. this is my first time i am having such a big celebration. i love the cake you guys bought for me. heart shape strawberry ice cream cake ! i nearly dont bear to cut it off. =x afterwhich, headed to pierce my ear hole as i promised them i would pierce it on during my birthday. my virgin to ear hole. lol ! lastly we went back tothe amphitheatre to slack. really a big and warmth THANKS to you guys for putting up such a big effort of celebration and memorable day for me.and also i love all the present and cards from you guys and not forgetting especially the important and surprises. it is so touching and will leave me with deep memories. :Di did not shed tears doesnt mean i am not touched. i am just speechless with the touching moment. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

lastly, once again i got to give all my credits to :

( huijuan. michelle. kenneth. junwei. kelvin. da long long. wah wee. edric. lingfeng. )
( huiting. chongling. mei yi. jasmine. jeff. melvin. wei zong. yong sing. wei xiong. xiao di. )
( chai lee. xue li. violent. shi min. kang ling. kim leng. )
( kelvin. bengwei. jason. )
( ms choo. mr roy. mrs tan. ms tan. )
( adeline. xingyuan. sin li. kent. calvin. )
( baby : you might not be there on the actual day, but i know your angels will be there. i love you ! i am looking forward for the place you bringing me to. )

and to those who sent me messages in friendster comment, friendster message, handphone messages. sorry if i never wrote down your name. but it will be remembered by me.

i cherish each and every of my friends. the bond between us hopefully will always be there. warmth regards to my special and important one. LOVE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

2007-12-06T15:00:00.002+08:00
ONCE AGAIN :

I AM OFFICALLY NINETEEN !

HAPPY SWEET NINETEEN BIRTHDAY TO ME.
MAY ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE AND BEST WISHES TO ME.

hereby, i got to thanks everyone who wish me !

warmth regards ;

XIAOHUI :D

sick!

2007-12-03T15:58:00.002+08:00
once again, it is the beginning of the new month which is also the last month of the year. time flies so fast. the year is going to end soon. this month is also an exciting month with lots of birthday celebration coming up.christmas is around the corner. school term holiday approaching in two week times. celebration of the end of year.seems so many programme approaching. i am desire for the firework. hopefully there are. :D

yesterday woke up early in the morning 8am. i do not have a good night sleep the night before due to the pain that was torturing me.had been vomitting again and again. sigh. the feeling simply just so terrible. marmie brought me to pray and afterwhich i headed downto baby's house. met up with huijuan at the late afternoon before heading down to tamp meeting the rest of the guys to celebrate kelvin's birthday and yong sing advance birthday celebration. hope you guys enjoyed with all the programme plan up for both of you.

my gastric tend to recover soon. the pain had gone but i am still very cautious with the food i ate. as usual, tasteless and simple.for the sake of recovering, i got to listen to marmie and be a good girl ya. hopefully i am able to recover soon so i could celebrate my birthday next week with my fellow friends and my love ones. surprise? i am pending to know it. (:

at the moment, i got to thanks all my friends for your concern and worrying for my health and also with allyour blessing i believe i will recover back soon. and of cause not forgetting marmie who was always there waking up in the middle of the night to check on me. thanks alot. :D

i love my baby.

gastric sucks.

2007-12-01T15:40:00.002+08:00
today has been a dreadful day for me. my gastric had worsen. the pain is back again. sigh !told marmie and she brought me to a chinese medical doctor. i got to thanks marmie for bringing me to visit doctor and also worrying how come the pain had been there for so many days. it is nearly one week and i am not recover. the feeling simply just no comment. my body is so weak now ! sigh. marmie said if still unwell, need to do some scanning. hopefully i dont need one.

on wednesday, we celebrated kelvin's birthday with my classmates as well as other friends. there will be a final one coming up tomorrow. i doubt it would be a horrible scene with his friends sickening ideas and actions. things turn out to be a surprise but after asking for his feeling, he arent touched. lol. huijuan ; perhaps he is a numb guy ? well. happy advance birthday to kelvin and yunru. best wishes. though my wish is early one day before.

this month i got to spend money thriftly though i have a lot of things which i desire to buy. i have purchase few items throughonline blogs and i am pending for the shipping to arrive. (: i am craving for donuts but i am not able to consume it for the moment due to my gastric. thus the doctor reminds me to had something light. no sour. no chilli. no milk. no cold. oh dear!

one disappointed issue i received from my accounting lecturer was that the retake of the accounting paper is on next wednesday. upon hearing this, my mood started to change. as that day is my special day yet i got to take the paper. well. preparations only left with less than a week time. hopefully i am well prepared for the paper on wednesday.

i missing you. how i wish i could hug you now to ease the pain of my gastric. sigh.

our love is a journey but not a destination.

sick.

2007-11-27T15:50:00.002+08:00
sorry for the lack of updates. x)
xiaohui has been sick for 3 days. when will i be recovered from this horrible sickness? =\
i have seen doctor twice. first time took cab down alone to amk which was my family doctor, yesterday went to polyclinic with adeline. my condition tend to be getting worst on sunday night. vomitting, high fever, bodyache and the most ironic things is gastric flu.
all these can simply pull down my mood. sigh. pray hard i could recover fully soon.

it's not time for me to fall sick now. CAs is going on at the moment, i should spend time revising but not worrying about my sickness.

thanks for my fellow caring friends who are there to show your concerns to me as well as baby who is worrying. with all of your care, hope i will recover in no time. :D

despite of being down with bad gastric flu, i did not turn up for monday accounting CAs. sigh. luckily i have MC so i am able to take it the next time round.there might be good and bad to it. good is i would have more time to spend on revising and catch up, bad is i would have to take the paper alone.well, whatever it's health that still important.

to all my friends who take the effort to just click on and view my blog always, i am glad and appreciate you guys for spending the time reading. i will try to update more.
for the moment, i shall stop here and continue blog when i am feeling better. i shall take some rest now before the pain worsen.

sorry to let you worry for me. i know you cant stay by my side to takecare of me while i am sick. but i know you care a lot. i love you baby!

i love you =\

2007-11-19T09:30:00.002+08:00
you are my only one;
i want to walk down the aisle with.
i'm glad you are the other part of my life.
baby, i simply love you.

i think once again i got to settle down and catch up with my studies as CAs is approaching in two weeks time. despite of the two module left, is not an easy one. alright, i shall spend some time recap through the topics next week. give me the will and determination to focus on, anyone? (: good luck to all doing your preparations.

for the whole week, things move on smoothly. last tue went to changi airport terminal three with meiyi, huijuan and michelle. it was amazing to see the facilities and shop. it is just so convenient for tourist arriving or departing. i love going to airport. can i go again? =\

i doubt i gonna stop my post now. i have no mood to further entering any entries.

friday met up with baby at cck while he booked out and went to night market. i'm just happy despite of the few hours to see you. saturday went over to jurong and after which to baby house watch movie. having you beside me, is what i always want. (: is sad to see you having flu. you might say you are feeling alright, whereas i knew you are just uncomfortable. you just dont want to make me worry. nevertheless you know i will still care and worry. hope that your flu will recover soon. do drink more water and take good care of yourself. my angels are always here for you though i am not beside you.

baby,
i see forever when i look in your eyes;
let's make a promise till the end of time;
we'll always be together, and our love will never die.

o9o9o7 i love you forever baby.

i love ivan. o9o9o7

2007-11-11T15:22:00.002+08:00
every endless night has a dawning day;
every darkest sky has a shining ray;
and it only shine for you.
baby, you are the only one;
who can shine on me. <3

happy 2 months baby! yesterday was our two month together. hope that you like the small gift from me. :D i love you so much. thanks for everything you have showered for me. baby, i promise you i will take you in my arms where we belong and till the day our life is through. :D

yesterday went out with baby to suntec. it was tiring after walking for few hours but i did enjoy myself. thanks baby for the donut factory! x) despite of the weather we dint manage to watch stars. so stayed over in the house watching movie. the days spent together is just so dear. i miss you my love !

school has been pretty fine. this week only need to attend three days of school due to public holiday and no lesson on friday. so fast CAs is coming soon. this mean i gonna mug on with my revision again? sigh. hopefully i would do well in the CAs for the last sems. jia you!

* having you by my side is my sweetness! muacks~ i will always be there for you.

o9.o9.07

2007-11-01T13:30:00.002+08:00
my world seems such a perfect place.
as it moves with a perfect grace.
my life yet to be colourful,
when only i'm with you. <3

i'm free to blog again. :D past two weeks of school was kinda alright. time in class pass rather quickly perhaps due to the number of modules we taking this sems. its the beginning thus there arent any doubts yet. hopefully i will continue to work hard for the last sems. every minutes is just so precious.

i've decide to stop working for sometimes. reason is because i got to get enough of my beauty rest. currently i've a bad feeling that i'm gonna with sick soon.bad sore throat and slight flu processing. damn it. perhaps i've not had enough of rest for sometimes already. god bless me. =)

there will be quite a number of programs coming up. few wedding dinner to attend. celebrating birthday. our sweet moments and the ironic thing is CAs. its coming to the end of the year. time flies. another new year is approaching in two months time. pending to enjoy the rest of the times in the year with my precious. :D

horoscope for SAGITTARIUS ; MINE
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

horoscope for AQUARIUS ; BABY
AQUARIUS - Does It In The WaterTrustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

every words from you; can light up the darkness in me. promise saying you will never leave me; we will walk down the path together. we were meant to be with lots of similar things in us. all i want is to hold on to you forever. i believe the faith in us. i gave my heart to you and baby do take good care of it in which you promise me so. my one and only precious; baby, i love you! :D

our secret garden* o9.o9.o7
you are never be replaced.

i love my baby~

2007-10-17T14:55:00.004+08:00

from this moment life has begun;

from this moment you are the one!

right beside you is where i belong~

i am glad i have been blessed.

and for your love, i give my last breath.

you are the reason i believe in love.

all we need is just the two of us;my dreams come true because of you;i love you lots baby :D
one week ago was our special day. happy 1 mth baby. :Dthough we cant celebrate, we both agree that we are still loving.looking forward for our next anni celebration. :D
and yes! pardon me for not updating for so long. i'm still kicking alive. :D
yesterday first day of school which is the start of new term. two hour of lecture and i did not learn anything at all. was disturbing and talking during lecture. haha!as usual. first day of school is always the relax period ; purchasing books and receving results slips. well, though i have improved, but it is not much better. :D first day of school and there is some minor unhappy stuff going on. forming group in specific number of people is always so confusing. damn it. well. a brand new start of the new term. hereby wishing all peeps study hard and excel in your studies later on. :Dtoday is holiday again. thanks to ITE getting the IBM awards. haha. another day of beauty rest and sleep for me again. anyway yesterday had been working andreaching home at 4am. =|
have been thinking if i should continue to work during school days. working mean i can earn more money. this mean i will have lack of sleep and concentrationduring school hours. and ofcos baby dont want me to overtired myself as well. so i decided to work only on weekends. :D
i'm touched by your sweet acts.you are always there for me. be it good or correcting my mistakes. you never fail to wait for me to sleep before you sleep though at times i knew you are very tired.my confession for you are our promise.i love you simply so much; my baby !

i love my baby~

2007-10-17T14:55:00.003+08:00
from this moment life has begun;
from this moment you are the one!
right beside you is where i belong~
i am glad i have been blessed.
and for your love, i give my last breath.
you are the reason i believe in love.
all we need is just the two of us;
my dreams come true because of you;
and i love you lots baby :D

one week ago was our special day. happy 1 mth baby. :D
though we cant celebrate, we both agree that we are still loving.looking forward for our next anni celebration. :D

and yes! pardon me for not updating for so long. i'm still kicking alive. :D

yesterday first day of school which is the start of new term. two hour of lecture and i did not learn anything at all. was disturbing and talking during lecture. haha! as usual. first day of school is always the relax period ; purchasing books and receving results slips. well, though i have improved, but it is not much better. :D first day of school and there is some minor unhappy stuff going on. forming group in specific number of people is always so confusing. damn it. well. a brand new start of the new term. hereby wishing all peeps study hard and excel in your studies later on. :D today is holiday again. thanks to ITE getting the IBM awards. haha. another day of beauty rest and sleep for me again. anyway yesterday had been working andreaching home at 4am. =

have been thinking if i should continue to work during school days. working mean i can earn more money. this mean i will have lack of sleep and concentration during school hours. and ofcos baby dont want me to overtired myself as well. so i decided to work only on weekends. :D

i'm touched by your sweet acts. you are always there for me. be it good or correcting my mistakes. you never fail to wait for me to sleep before you sleep though at times i knew you are very tired. my confession for you are our promise. i love you simply so much; my baby !

our secret garden* o9o9o7

i love my baby ivan (:

2007-09-28T10:30:00.002+08:00
because of you i'm not afraid;
to drop the mask and let my true smile shine.
opening my heart, soul to you,
i'm so glad that i did. thanks baby.

these few days have been a relaxing days for me. i've the urge of shopping but back to the thoughts of saving up i got to tell myself i cant at the moment. meanwhile, i do spend on things somehow here and there. :D

tue which is mid-autumn festival. watching people lifting lantern walking on the streets and playing candles around. the saddest part come to it was i missed it. i couldnt play with candle. =\ i got to play it next week during class chalet. i want to make something. :D i bought a box of snow skin mooncake from bakerzin and ice cream mooncake from swensens. it taste fabulous though i only have few bites on them. lol. i'm also craving for donuts! but sad to say, i'm on diet period. i can only have few bites of them. :D

i've been returning back to work. the atmosphere is still the same whereas it's not as fun as compared to last time definitely i could say. well, nobody would go back without the need of money, still we got bear with it. (: for the upcoming days, i'll be working for twelve hours which mean i got to stand for twelve hour ! oh dear~ xD

i'm pending for upcoming class chalet next mon to wed. would it be as fun as what we expected? :D i knew it have been a hard time for huijuan and me to sort out the stuff here and there. thanks for those who are willing to be there to help out. we appreciate it. xD

every moments we gone through are the happiest things in me.
i'm glad i've searched the right hand that fits the the spaces of mine.
you're the one who make me smile and gaining back my confidence.
and i know the path we got to walk down are much more than that.
i love you baby. :D

our fairytales*

i miss my baby.

2007-09-19T14:50:00.002+08:00
i'm back again after neglecting my blog for sometimes. aloha ! finally the few weeks of nightmare had come to an end. and now is time for me to enjoy. last thu was the last paper which mean it's the start of holiday. yeah. there's bad and good to it. i miss school. sound insane? but studying is the best part of life as compared to working. hopefully i'm able to pass all modules and improve my gpa as compared to last year. no high expectation. (:

met up with my 7-8 years fren after so long. and realise we have alot to catch up. in sustaining a frienship, there's need to keep your bond strong by staying in touch even it's only just a quick text. to me i doubt friendship is a two way thing, it takes two hand to clap, just like a relationship. thus, i truly agree to it.

i'm returning back to work this coming thu. i've been stopping for months due to my busy schdeule. my financial is rather tight and i've to save it for futhur studies after graduated from ITE. i would have less times for other things especially people who is special to me. added on to say, you're not forgotten.

i am satisfied with what i'm having now. thanks for the pamerped and love. you are just a ray of light, shining down. would you tell me that everything will be alright? thanks for adding colours to my life. and i knew there's so much more we have to gone through. and i heart you, baby.

<3

exam period

2007-09-05T14:59:00.002+08:00
this post is gonna be a very random one as i'm just too tired. basically this weekend of mine had been burned for mugging in for the preparation of exams. times flies! countdowni only left 7 days to the actual paper. you guys will feek shock that i'm working so hard on it. and yes, i need a lot of focus to all the modules. i've to discipline myself for thewhole week. you will see the another side of miss xiaohui. =) as mentioned this weekend had been burned for mugging, all the credit had to goes to ong for helping me all overfrom the beginning. thanks for motivate me and i've a better understanding of everything now. i couldnt believe that i've done so much of question within two days without copying at all. meanwhile, i hope i would focus my mind into studies than anything else. thanks for everyone who are there to support me. i appreciate it. =)

last friday i went back to seconday school as it's teacher's day. basically all along i always thought seconday school days are the most precious times in our life but this yearit was not as overcrowded as past few years. it sound quite saddening ya? well perhaps everyone was busy with own things. i'm glad to see and chat with the teachers whomhad taught me in my seconday school days. and i'm glad you all still remember me despite of my notorius character in school during the days. down the road i wont forget the place as it was where i turn from a little girl to a teenager. i learnt alot of things be it good or bad, there're so much memories left behind for me to cherish. other than that,i would like to thanks the lecture from simei ite who had taught me before. lastly, all the teachers are the angels to me. =)

shall update again after exams have over. best wishes and good luck to everyone. =D

new afresh*

2007-08-27T14:50:00.002+08:00
aloha. yes i know it had been a long time since i last updated. i'm so busy recently. i'm sorry. exams are coming real soon and i'm getting ultra worried. and the ironic thing is i got to rush and complete up project which are due next week. everything seems to be never ending, when would i have the time to be a carefree girl. this entry would be a long ones. i would share my thoughts with you guys about the overseas trip i been to. so, pardon me with it and spending your precious time. (:

not feeling okay this period of times. been down with sick repeatedly, this show how weak i'm. and sad to hear from the doctor, i'm down with stress problem. thus i'm being prescribe some medicine by the doctor. sigh, hopefully i would get over with everything soon and stop consuming the pill. i've all the symptoms of being overly stressed.well, at times i could sense it. mostly i would feel pressurize, be it with school work, any relationships or other activities. i knew stress is unavoiable to everyone but perhaps i'm overly into it as i may break down most of the time before i turn in at night.

well. i shall share with you guys about the overseas trip - (bintan) i been to with the school.it was my first experience travel overseas alone without my parents but instead with friends.well. it was a good experience as i got to learnt to be independent and tie up the bonds closer with friends and teacher. however, the saddist things to say was it was raining heavily when we arrived and we couldnt manage to tour around certain places. we arrived at ' ninwana hotel ' and attended a conference talk before heading to the ninwana beach resort whereby we stayed in and had buffet lunch. followed by the educational tour around the places like ; landfill,electric power house, fire station and lastly pasar oleh oleh.despite of the heavy rain, we do alight at certain destination to tour around and get to understand the places better led by the tour guide.lastly we arrived at the kelong for our seafood dinner. we're having 9 course dinner and of cos the food was fabulous. :D afterwhich was our free and easy time. as it was their country national day and they were having a celebration at night. we're invited to it so we went over afterwhich. the atmosphere was still nice though it was not that happening as we went there too early. overall it was still a nice experience watching over how other country people celebrating their occasion. aftermatch, we went back to our resort to have our own leisure time. we played card games, drink and added on with lot of crapping. it was really fun with everyone around. in this trip, i find the bond between all of us are stronger. we get to know each other better and ofcos the fun we spent together will leave us with memories. cheer QS =)

as mentioned exams are coming nearer, i think i really have to catch up with my studies. i feel that i'm totally lost in the modules, totally screwed! the weight is simply just too heavy for me to carry on. alright, i believed in actions speak louder than words so perhaps i shall start everything by next week. give me the will and determination to study. motivate me anyone?!

well. from this post onward i promise myself it gonna be a new afresh. for the previous entries everything i would clearly specify all are the past. agree isnt it? moreover i wouldnt open the blog offically to everyone. i still prefer the way in what i am doing all along. for regular readers, i promise you guys i would update often from today onwards to keep my blog active. do leave me a tag behind as a regard ya. i appreciate you guys. (:

words and a question why are always lingering around. mistakes are bound to happen. we learnt from it to make us feel better. i love the pampered from those who are always there for me. not mentioning the names. thanks for the special one who are always being there listening to my complaints and everything. been listening to the songs ' sometimes love just aint enought '. i find the meaning of the song rather meaningful.
as the phrase goes, love is blind. i agreed. i believed down the road one day i will get what i want.

love me or loathe me*
miss xiaohui*

randomly.

2007-08-06T10:30:00.002+08:00
aloha. wonder where i've been dying to? haa. i'm still kicking alive ya. my apology for the lack of updates the past few weeks. thus this would be a long entry ahead. pardon me and i appreciate my regular readers and thanks for the tag ya. (:
the irony things are i've just recovered from my sickness and i'm having stomach cramps now. aww. get well soon ms xiaohui :P
well. i've been spending most of the time stoning infront of the com for the whole of weekends. so i came to the thoughts of blogging since i've not been updating for few weeks.
Mmm, you guys must be wondering what i've been doing these weeks, well, i do cherish most of the time i've spent as certain days seems to be so dearly to me. (:
i miss the firework last saturday though we couldnt catch it on time. arghs. there would be firework festival from 11-14 of august. thanks ah goh for your info ya. :D
do i have the chance to watch it? i love firework. :
i'm pending for the launching of new movie this coming wed. and i'm awaiting for the bintan trip in two weeks time. would it be an interesting ones?
but still, i'm awaiting for the interesting programme line up ahead.
i'm stress up with projects as it's being pile up for me and due date is around the corner. after all this projects, its time to prepare for the upcoming exams in sep. oh dear! aftermath, i still need to catch up with all the things which i'm weak in. CA2 was a better ones as i do not need to retake any sub papers though result wasnt up to my expectations especially tourism. well thanks to huijuan who's there to coach me for my advance accounting. =)
however my overall CAs was being pull down by CA1. well, what had over is over. is time to buck up. apparently, i love schooling though is tedious at times. (:
friends wise. i'm glad my closed one would realise how long we've not been updating with each other on our personal affairs. and i believe that, true friendship will always standby you despite of whether you're in crucial situation or rather happy moments. despite of lesser time being there for each other, texting up would seems to mean alot. just the matters of sincerity. i do treasure all the peoples who understand me and always be there for me. (:
sometimes i dont understand why some people got no sense of originalities. i'm sure i do mentioned several time in my previous entries. i'm thinking, what do they stand to gain anyway? seek attentions from others? haa.
somehow it doesnt affect me much as my consious is clear perhaps i'm too bored so bring up this topic after sufing nets. :)
i've changed my hairstyle. thanks to shanna mei for the intro. haa. i love my hair. newly reborn. dyed into another colour and trim off a bit of it. a new life ahead? hopefully. anyway is not easy to live in a mundane life. however, during the way, we do meet up with different types of people that will pave the way ahead for us, and thus i do learn to embrace life a step at a time.
basically for my part time job, perhaps i shall take a rest for the moment. i realise i've not enough time for my own stuff. i knew money is important but at the same time i do need to think of my health and studies. i will be going back to work few times fornightly i doubt. i do miss the times working with you guys especially my bunch of crazy fellows frens. (:
life is just a journey, despite of problems, we still need to endure and move on. infact, is just a road that we've to across everyday. being solo or double, it doesnt matter as the decision made by me wont be a regret.

miss xiaohui

i miss you~

2007-07-17T14:50:00.002+08:00
was feeling kinda restless so i'm here to update my post.
as usual, nothing much happened today. was punctual for school and lesson ended at 5pm. was rather bored and restless in school as well. aftermath, reached home around six thirty. i dont know why i'm so shag to touch on my tourism CAs which is on wed. there's lots to memorise and i'm not well prepared. tml will be the last night for me to burn midnight oil. arghs. god bless.
i've changed my blog song to my valentine.
to hui juan: i wont suffer from depression. i will move on each day as i know you guys will be there for me always. =)

restless her.

does miracle do happen?

2007-07-16T14:59:00.002+08:00
firstly i know it had been a long time since i last updated. my apology for that alright. (: somehow rather i'm gonna shorten and sum up what had been going on for the past few weeks.well.
school had re-opened one week already. time flies is another new term again. i'm glad to return back to school to catch up with my group of fellow friends. however, the ironic thing is that there's lots of upcoming test for preparation. arghs! definitely is driving me mad. through the three weeks of holiday, honestly i've practically forgotten part of the work. =p this week had just taken one of the paper - costing. hopefully i'm able to pass through. after the paper, i realise there're quite a number of mistakes. no point pondering it, is over ya. (:
speaking of which, i just remembered i still have my tourism project still hanging in the air. arghs. hopefully everything move on smoothly.
alright as regard on my three weeks holiday. i'm been busy with work thus seldom have the opportunity to online and catch up with friends. but i'm glad for those who do remember me. (: though it had been extremely tiring for me, i believed is worth it. there's plenty of memories left behind. all these are deeply remembered in my brain cells. oh ya! there's still some idiotic people who pissed me off at work. well. i couldnt be bothered with such person. since they dont respect others, why shall we respect them? simply just strengthen your maturity can. firstly, i had gotten my new hand-set. followed by the person who make me smile. it all happened with miracle and i believed is fate that bring us closer. in addition i do miss the times spending together and the laughter with my fellow colleague. i appreciate it. as school had started, i'm giving myself sufficient rest therefore for the time being i'm not returning back to work. you guys might miss me so? =p

the river runs and the river hides out to the ocean and hides the sky.

haix.

2007-07-05T14:45:00.002+08:00
well for both days i've been working thus i'm MIA again. basically this two days have been rather a slacking day for me. there isnt any much event thus i'm not tired.this week i could only work few days due to some reasons. wedding dinner and sufficient rest for a fresh back to school next week. nevertheless, hopefully things move on fine ahead for me. this few nights despite being tired i couldnt turn in until late midnight. am i suffer from insomnia again or due to being stress up. sigh~
as usual today took cab to work as i'm in 11am shift. i conclude that today was the first time i'm feeling bored to death at work. there isnt anything for me to do after i done with my lunch event. i've been strolling up and down the level chatting and disturbing other friends. =x pardon me for being retarded. i believed you guys felt the same feelings as me. thus, i was being signed off at 4pm. aftermath, went across the road to help the rest to buy 4D. poor ruiwen and me got to carry lots of number and money with us. headed back to hoteland get prepared before heading down to town. i need shopping! but sad to say the time was getting late, ended up i could only purchase one sandal. i'm craving for m)phosis sandal and stuff can! i doubt i gonna get it tml after work. humph. we went to chill at coffee bean and headed home.
hereby i received a message from one of my longest friendship friend when i reached home. well, i dont think there isnt a need to mention the name. (: i'm disappointed upon reading the things she had written. saying that i had forgotten her due to never contacting one another. i'm glad she do notice it. i do see her around and i had put the effort totalk to her, treating nothing happened but it seems i'm a stranger to her. putting herself in my shoe, how would she feel? such a long friendship would ended up like that due to _ well, am i such a person? though i never voice out my feeling upon her, it doesnt mean i dont bother. i'm just totally speechless and disappointed. knowing that she's attached with bf, i could understand that perhaps why she doesnt contact me. i'm used to it and i doesnt push any fault on anyone. what are the definition of friends? thinking back i could only say there're not much people i could put my trust on. pardon me for saying this, perhaps i'm already lost in trusting anybody. hopefully one day she will realise it. i could be just a distance away when she need me. all it need are just two hand to clap. i've done my part, have she? am i in the wrong? who can tell me?! zz.
a good friend laughs at your worst jokes, put up with your worst moods, gets along with your worst ideas, and always sees the best in you. nothing else. Real friendship is shown in times of trouble.
i often hide my emotions behind a mask which denies the inner feelings. i'm vulnerable and easily being hurt. people around might see me always putting a smile on my face, but only those who understand me knew the inner part of me. i appreciate it. thanks. am i always living in the life of lies trying to be a carefree girl? god bless.

the mysterious of life.

mixed emotion

2007-07-03T14:42:00.002+08:00
aloha. i know it's been a long time since i've updated. well, feeling rather random now. but still i gonna blog since i'm free. for the whole of lastweek i've been working non-stop without any off day. it's pretty tiring. lack of sleep and lack of free time for me to relax as well. it kept me busy and avoiding those unpleasant stuff to curl around me. (:
just a brief summarize on last week schedule. everything move on smoothly. just that on certain day at work i'm pissed off with the partner i'm being assigned to. well i'm not being fierce or sarcastic, i think they're just stubborn to obey on instructions. nobody born to be perfect in knowing everything. for those who know me well, will know my character. you treat me good i will treat you good, otherwise pay the price for it.
been sometimes since i chatted with him till wed when i was on the way home in cab with my friends and i drop by his block. thus i drop him a msg and i was somehow rather shock with his respond. i doubt i should treat it normal. it was a miracle that i went to meet him afterwork on last friday. took train down with ben as we are heading on the same track so i headed down to sengkang. met up with xiaodi as he's going home from outside. coincidence either. thanks for bringing me over to the block and flag for cab.
last night end work early thus we decided to go for a drink at QP pool bar at boat quay. so concidence when alighted the cab saw xiaohui jie. aftermath, joined them a while. went over to other pub to drink. got to know few people introduce by her and saw few friends. the world is just so small. another one got number from me after chatting a lot of ' rubbish ' for so long. hmm i will make my decision carefully. thanks for your compliment too. reached home around 7 in the morning. ((:
a good news is that i gonna change a new hand set soon. winks~ i've decide to set some times aside this week for me to do window shopping but do i've the time? thinking through, i doubt i left with no much time. school would be opening next monday which is in one week time. guess what? i'm very eager to return back to school. arghs. despite of the projects,assignments and projects have not touch on yet. =p
to ben : lol. i'm not so bad okay. dont judge a book by its cover. lol. hmm, anyway cheer up as time heal the wound. like what you told me one day i will get what i wish. same goes to you. (:
as mentioned i'm feeling rather random now. well, who's never been down before? tired of donning a thousand masks. there's certain matters which are not meant to evaded any further as the outcome mostly would be still the same. by staying oblivious at times, i knew i still got to face the complicated path and couldnt get apart from it. question could just haunt me when i rest my mind upon it. i'm addicted to the song part of a fool. it describe exactly how i feel throughout.

secret garden*
<3 XIAOHUI